Tuesdays are leg days for me. I also like to add abs and core exercises.
I was finishing my deadlifts and proceeded to the yoga room, where the mats and bullshit accessories were, to do abs.
There were two women there already, apparently paying 20 bucks a month to do pushups and lunges.
Whatever, I grab the ab wheel and a yoga mat to rest my knees on while I do abs and I start pumping out a set.
So I’m there, in a relatively small room, with two gorgeous looking women (no hetero) and I’m on top of my sixth rep.
I’m bent over, ab wheel in my hands under me, ass up, like an upside down V, and by the time I feel it, it’s already too late.
I fart so hard, I feel my pant leg puff up. I’m bent over, ass in the air, making sounds like a methed up window cleaner.
It was so loud, I knew I couldn’t hide it. I still tried though. I made a coughing sound, still in the V position, but it immediately unleashed another fart, anus squeaking like a startled tabby and transitioned into a gurgle.
I don’t even look around me to see if they noticed. I can see from my side vision that the women have stopped what they were doing and were just sitting there in judgemental silence. One of them is trying to breathe through her t-shirt.
I slowly stand up and take a quick look at my phone and pretend I have to be somewhere else and just walk out while staring into the ground.
It’s over. It’s so fucking over.
There were two women there already, apparently paying 20 bucks a month to do pushups and lunges.
Lmao you deserve it for talking shit about their workout
Yeah OP, you’re paying 20 bucks a month to fart in a yoga room
Thats what happens when you skip butthole day
Every day is butthole day if you are brave enough.
the yoga room is for ripping ass. that’s why after doing yoga for almost 20 years, the number of times I have gone to a group class is less than 10. the first 20 minutes of every day is blowing snot and ripping ass on the yoga mat.
also, I think entering an occupied room, quickly and repeatedly farting it up, and then leaving is a real power move.
should have said, “I’ll be at the smoothie place across the street if either of you are looking for more” on your way out.
Just own it. Walk in proudly and cut the cheese like a true
Excuse me ladies, just exercising the ol’ pooter.
I have been farting every single second since 1991 and I refuse to stop
Call the cops. I’ll fart on them
Topologically speaking, humans are the same shape as those dyson ring fans
Sounds like you need to do some high intensity sphincter holds to really strengthen your fast twitch emergency fart response muscles
Lol, it’s fine. That’s what you do in the yoga room. Have you never done yoga?
Go back
Fart again
Establish your dominance
Actually, now you’re the Boss of that gym. You must defend your position
Yeah. Like. Go back and if you see them again just say hellooo guurls is that bitch Debra at it agaaaiin? Whos Debra idk just go with it. Also call them by Sandra and Yasmin but interchange sometimes like you dont know whos who.
You’re cooked, go change your name and move to a different country.
Honestly a new continent wouldnt hurt.
There were two women there already, apparently paying 20 bucks a month to do pushups and lunges.
Yeah you got your Karma there.
The fact that they didn’t attempt to laugh with you shows you don’t want to be around them. Everybody farts.
You manifested the most powerful aphrodisiac, they were absolutely primed for you to ask them out, this was your opportunity and you fucking blew it.
The only thing to do now is to find them in the gym again, look them right in the eyes and confidently rip the loudest wettest fart you’ve ever ripped (bonus points of you shit a little bit)
