Feeling lonely sucks, but man, whenever I’m listening to some people talk about past relationships they’ve been in, I end up feeling happy it hasn’t happened yet.
I blame my parents. They have such an amazing mutually respectful, supportive and loving marriage that it has set an impossible standard for me to realize.
I wish media depicted more healthy relationships.
Half of people don’t seem to even have an idea of what mundane everyday loving behaviour actually looks like. And the other half does know, but fetishise unhealthy bullshit. (TBH I do too, but I want to engage in it playfully, not full on I will now proceed to straight up destroy you emotionally that I’ve run into with some people. )
And when they do they often portray them as effortless “found my soulmate” kind of relationships which is not how the real world works. Even if you have an amazing partner you need to put in effort to be an amazing partner to them yourself.
The fairy tale love affairs of fictional people hardly ever linger on the “mundane everyday loving behaviour” that I consider core to a functioning relationship.
I literally put that crap in the trash right along with the depictions of dysfunctional relationships in media.
Depictions of happy relationships, are not automatically depictions of healthy relationships.
That’s why I like the series Heartbreaker so much. It shows healthy relationships, and it also shows how hard relationships (and life in general) can still be.
My parents are the complete opposite of yours and I always felt like I had no role model to imitate. The thing is, you have to find your own way. And the one thing all parents need to teach their kids is independent thinking. Unfortunately, that also makes them harder to control, so many parents work actively against that.
The one imposing the standard is entirely me. My parents deliberately STEPPED AWAY from controlling me and my siblings lives as we came into adulthood. They’re incredible.
Today we all treat each other like adults, (and humor mom by allowing her to baby us a bit) they’ve completely stepped down from being controlling influences in our lives. They advise, show concern, and voice opinions, but since turning 18, they’ve never once acted like we can’t do as we please.
The way the acted towards us and each other left a huge impression. As I’ve gone on to live life I’ve truly come to realize and appreciate my parents are 2 in a million. I didn’t realize the significance of it while growing up, but thinking back now, the things they did blow me away. Like who makes a point of explaining each mistake they’ve made raising someone, as they realize what they were, TO that someone, and apologizing for them openly?!
I think it’s actually made me and my siblings easier to control, we always listen if they have something to say, because we all see that they’re two of the wisest people we’ll ever know.
No one and probably won’t any time soon for a plethora of reasons. When I hooked up with a guy for the first time he really made me feel attractive and wanted and I almost broke down too. Terrible self-esteem and being starved for affection is a rough time.
Oh I know why, it’s not like I couldn’t find a relationship if I tried, it’s that I think I’d be a terrible partner and my presence in someone’s life would make it worse and I’m not willing to do that to someone. Struggling incredibly with ADHD and I don’t think I’d be able to give a partner the proper time and attention due to the need to shovel stimulation into the black hole that is my brain, and I have bad depressive crashes, much worse than the baseline misery, that no one can help with and make people who care about me feel bad and guilty about not being able to help. Things have to improve a lot for me to seriously consider dating, and at this point I know better than to think that could happen.
Gotta work on it. There’s someone for you, I know it’s cheesy as hell, but theres a ton of us and all of us get lonely and have the same issues give or take.
If we’re using food as an example, pick which mushroom is the toxic one to avoid
A)
B)
One of them will kill you. Choose wisely.
(My point is that toxic women can often mask as nontoxic for quite some time, much like you can’t just tell by looking at these mushrooms which will kill you, you can’t always tell by looking at women which are toxic either. Sure the Aminita Muscara may be identifiable and so would any woman with glaring toxicity, but sneaky ones lije these are afoot too, and much like other abusive relationships frog, boiling water, yadda yadda you’ve heard that bit before.)
Well yeah, but over time you start to realize behaviors. Just like over time, we’ve learned to rub potentially hazardous foods on your skin, then wait, the mucus membrane, then wait, then tiny piece, then wait. You don’t just jump right in with some random mushrooms.
I’m not knocking anyone for getting your first crazy SO surprise, but after a bit it’s a George W. Bush fool me once shame on, shame on you, fool me, can’t get fooled again situation.
Make boundaries, communicate, and go after what you want and try to work on what you don’t, and if it’s not possible it’s time to go. sometimes that’s not easy, but relationships aren’t easy.
As a level 1 autistic man, I’m a magnet for toxic women. It’s like they hunt for guys like me. It takes me a really long time around a woman before I drop my guard.
Maaaaate same. There was this one girl I dated whom I’ve told I just don’t feel like doing what she felt like doing that night and she said “Alright, we can just watch some more eps of <show we were watching>” and I broke down right there and then.
I ended up forcing my own options on her which isn’t healthy in itself but we could and can talk about this and it’s so weird.
Can confirm, lived my life as a guy 20yrs online, 30irl. Almost cried the first time someone held me. Wasn’t even romantic, just platonic. I swear half of the world’s problems would be solved if people were more accepting of men sharing physical affection.
I’ve always been lucky to have partners and friends that were awesome about physical comfort and affection. But there’s been times they weren’t available, and it’s the worst damn feeling to need that damn hug when you’re falling apart, and not having it.
It’s why I’ll never, ever turn my back on someone needing it, even if I don’t like them. Some things are just too damn important to hold back.
Honestly, it’s the only thing I miss as middle aged single dad not dating. Someone to rub my hair while I cry in their lap. Nobody’s taken care of me in decades. I’ve got a lot to cry about. Kinda sucks. Anyway… Back to manning up and working to exhaustion another few decades.
Thanks! We just lost our only free roaming pet so when the kid is away it’s even emptier. I used to put my head on our cat’s furry belly as she purred and stretched, laid her chin on my arm it hand to keep me there. She always knew… Saunter from across the house, hop on the bed, start kneading, settle in for a cuddle… like she could hear my pulse and breathing change in her sleep several rooms away. Having said that, writing this response to your comment made me realize maybe I’ve been reaching out to start dating bc without the kitty crutch, I’m feeling I need that satisfaction from an actual human? 🤷
As much as we can love animals, and they us, it isn’t the same. It would be nice if it did fully fill that hole we have where another person should be. They try, that’s for sure, but it just isn’t the same.
It really sucks extra when you lose that animal though. When we lost our dog, if I hadn’t had my wife and kid, I would have eaten a bullet. No exaggeration, until I got married, that dog was my reason to make it another day. She would know when it was close, and wouldn’t let me do anything at all until I pulled back from the edge.
I’m lucky. So damn lucky.
You’ll find someone. A good dad, a person that’s open to that kind of intimacy and trust? Anyone you run across would be lucky to have you.
While it may seem counterintuitive, the 4chan meme of any post being gay helps. If everything is gay, there’s nothing wrong with gay at all. Besides, have you got any close friends under about 30? The entire usage of gay as an insult has essentially disappeared because it’s been reclaimed by young gay folks. They’ve successfully taken it and made it a positive thing.
Back maybe ten, fifteen years ago, what were then gay kids started using it in an ironic way. They’d be gaming or whatever, and someone would do something cool, and another would say, that’s great, but you’re totally gay. Back and forth like that.
Having grown up in an era where it was commonly an insult to be called gay, then seeing gay people gain access to their rights as fellow citizens, and then take old slurs and strip them of much or all of their power, it’s beautiful. There was a time I would have made the same assumption you did. I’d have jumped all over someone saying the same thing.
But now? It’s a celebration of gayness. It’s saying that everything is gay, and that’s fabulous as fuck. Gay isn’t just okay, it’s a thing we accept as commonplace.
When I use it in the context of greentext, it’s recognizing that the assholes of 4chan lost. They didn’t get to keep the word and use it as a bad thing. It got taken from the bigots after lifetimes of use as a word of oppression, and that’s such a victory that it deserves celebrating by using it in this way.
Seriously, if you get a chance to hang around some younger LGBTQ people, take it. They’re the generations raised where being “gay” isn’t some horrible secret, it isn’t a doom of shame that you have to hide at all times. You sit around, or go shooting with, or whatever, and these folks are just casual about it. Hell, I’ve run into groups that are using f×g the same way here and there. Not as common for sure, but it happens.
Obviously, if the context is such that it’s being used as a slur, or even just derogatorily, the person doing so is an asshole. But that’s the key, they aren’t the ones with the power over the word now! The assholes and bigots are the ones that are treated with contempt and derision when they use the word. It really is fucking glorious, beautiful to see.
Man, I used to bounce at a drag club. I had to literally fight to keep the patrons safe from direct physical attack. Seeing the word gay become a term of endearment? I can’t describe how happy that makes me. I hear my kid’s gay friends laughing and throwing it around at school, openly and nobody bats an eye because the power of it too be used as a weapon is finally gone. It fills me with joy to have lived long enough to see it happen. I’m typing this and crying thinking about it.
They’re gay, I’m gay, you’re gay, everyone is gay, and it’s fucking amazing :)
Obviously fake and gay as fuck.
However, there’s a lot of men that have never felt safe enough to do that with anyone. As we need it, badly, sometimes.
I cried the first time a gf was nice to me regularly.
I had some fucked up relationships. I’m doing good now though.
Feeling lonely sucks, but man, whenever I’m listening to some people talk about past relationships they’ve been in, I end up feeling happy it hasn’t happened yet.
I blame my parents. They have such an amazing mutually respectful, supportive and loving marriage that it has set an impossible standard for me to realize.
I wish media depicted more healthy relationships.
Half of people don’t seem to even have an idea of what mundane everyday loving behaviour actually looks like. And the other half does know, but fetishise unhealthy bullshit. (TBH I do too, but I want to engage in it playfully, not full on I will now proceed to straight up destroy you emotionally that I’ve run into with some people. )
And when they do they often portray them as effortless “found my soulmate” kind of relationships which is not how the real world works. Even if you have an amazing partner you need to put in effort to be an amazing partner to them yourself.
The fairy tale love affairs of fictional people hardly ever linger on the “mundane everyday loving behaviour” that I consider core to a functioning relationship.
I literally put that crap in the trash right along with the depictions of dysfunctional relationships in media.
Depictions of happy relationships, are not automatically depictions of healthy relationships.
That’s why I like the series Heartbreaker so much. It shows healthy relationships, and it also shows how hard relationships (and life in general) can still be.
My parents are the complete opposite of yours and I always felt like I had no role model to imitate. The thing is, you have to find your own way. And the one thing all parents need to teach their kids is independent thinking. Unfortunately, that also makes them harder to control, so many parents work actively against that.
The one imposing the standard is entirely me. My parents deliberately STEPPED AWAY from controlling me and my siblings lives as we came into adulthood. They’re incredible.
Today we all treat each other like adults, (and humor mom by allowing her to baby us a bit) they’ve completely stepped down from being controlling influences in our lives. They advise, show concern, and voice opinions, but since turning 18, they’ve never once acted like we can’t do as we please.
The way the acted towards us and each other left a huge impression. As I’ve gone on to live life I’ve truly come to realize and appreciate my parents are 2 in a million. I didn’t realize the significance of it while growing up, but thinking back now, the things they did blow me away. Like who makes a point of explaining each mistake they’ve made raising someone, as they realize what they were, TO that someone, and apologizing for them openly?!
I think it’s actually made me and my siblings easier to control, we always listen if they have something to say, because we all see that they’re two of the wisest people we’ll ever know.
Who is y’all datin
No one and probably won’t any time soon for a plethora of reasons. When I hooked up with a guy for the first time he really made me feel attractive and wanted and I almost broke down too. Terrible self-esteem and being starved for affection is a rough time.
Well fuck, that’s rough. Take a bit to find out why and work on it. Best of luck to you
Oh I know why, it’s not like I couldn’t find a relationship if I tried, it’s that I think I’d be a terrible partner and my presence in someone’s life would make it worse and I’m not willing to do that to someone. Struggling incredibly with ADHD and I don’t think I’d be able to give a partner the proper time and attention due to the need to shovel stimulation into the black hole that is my brain, and I have bad depressive crashes, much worse than the baseline misery, that no one can help with and make people who care about me feel bad and guilty about not being able to help. Things have to improve a lot for me to seriously consider dating, and at this point I know better than to think that could happen.
Gotta work on it. There’s someone for you, I know it’s cheesy as hell, but theres a ton of us and all of us get lonely and have the same issues give or take.
Plenty of toxic women out there.
There are plenty of foods I don’t like, I avoid em
If we’re using food as an example, pick which mushroom is the toxic one to avoid
A)
B)
One of them will kill you. Choose wisely.
(My point is that toxic women can often mask as nontoxic for quite some time, much like you can’t just tell by looking at these mushrooms which will kill you, you can’t always tell by looking at women which are toxic either. Sure the Aminita Muscara may be identifiable and so would any woman with glaring toxicity, but sneaky ones lije these are afoot too, and much like other abusive relationships frog, boiling water, yadda yadda you’ve heard that bit before.)
First one, Amanita Phalloides if I’m not mistaken.
Take a bite and find out!
I like my liver solid as it is, thank you very much.
Well yeah, but over time you start to realize behaviors. Just like over time, we’ve learned to rub potentially hazardous foods on your skin, then wait, the mucus membrane, then wait, then tiny piece, then wait. You don’t just jump right in with some random mushrooms.
I’m not knocking anyone for getting your first crazy SO surprise, but after a bit it’s a George W. Bush fool me once shame on, shame on you, fool me, can’t get fooled again situation.
Make boundaries, communicate, and go after what you want and try to work on what you don’t, and if it’s not possible it’s time to go. sometimes that’s not easy, but relationships aren’t easy.
You’re very smart. Often you don’t know until it’s too late and then getting out of that situation isn’t easy.
Be honest with yourself and your partner in what you want. If those boundaries are crossed, dip.
As a level 1 autistic man, I’m a magnet for toxic women. It’s like they hunt for guys like me. It takes me a really long time around a woman before I drop my guard.
Is level 1 high or low?
It’s right next to level 2.
This helped everyone. Thank you.
It’s the autism that may be maskable to an extent and the person is more independent than levels 2 & 3. It used to be called Asperger’s.
I never knew there were official levels I assumed you were using a self assessed scale.
Yeah, 3 levels. They vaguely communicate how much support the person needs with one being the least support and 3 being needing relatively the most.
Thanks yeah I just looked and I’d say I’m a Level 1 on that scale. TMYK.
Maaaaate same. There was this one girl I dated whom I’ve told I just don’t feel like doing what she felt like doing that night and she said “Alright, we can just watch some more eps of <show we were watching>” and I broke down right there and then.
I ended up forcing my own options on her which isn’t healthy in itself but we could and can talk about this and it’s so weird.
I’m glad you’ve found some change. And I’m glad you have had someone give you that comfort.
Can confirm, lived my life as a guy 20yrs online, 30irl. Almost cried the first time someone held me. Wasn’t even romantic, just platonic. I swear half of the world’s problems would be solved if people were more accepting of men sharing physical affection.
Ain’t that the damn truth.
I’ve always been lucky to have partners and friends that were awesome about physical comfort and affection. But there’s been times they weren’t available, and it’s the worst damn feeling to need that damn hug when you’re falling apart, and not having it.
It’s why I’ll never, ever turn my back on someone needing it, even if I don’t like them. Some things are just too damn important to hold back.
Honestly, it’s the only thing I miss as middle aged single dad not dating. Someone to rub my hair while I cry in their lap. Nobody’s taken care of me in decades. I’ve got a lot to cry about. Kinda sucks. Anyway… Back to manning up and working to exhaustion another few decades.
Fwiw, even if you don’t have access to a good comfort companion, you deserve it.
Thanks! We just lost our only free roaming pet so when the kid is away it’s even emptier. I used to put my head on our cat’s furry belly as she purred and stretched, laid her chin on my arm it hand to keep me there. She always knew… Saunter from across the house, hop on the bed, start kneading, settle in for a cuddle… like she could hear my pulse and breathing change in her sleep several rooms away. Having said that, writing this response to your comment made me realize maybe I’ve been reaching out to start dating bc without the kitty crutch, I’m feeling I need that satisfaction from an actual human? 🤷
As much as we can love animals, and they us, it isn’t the same. It would be nice if it did fully fill that hole we have where another person should be. They try, that’s for sure, but it just isn’t the same.
It really sucks extra when you lose that animal though. When we lost our dog, if I hadn’t had my wife and kid, I would have eaten a bullet. No exaggeration, until I got married, that dog was my reason to make it another day. She would know when it was close, and wouldn’t let me do anything at all until I pulled back from the edge.
I’m lucky. So damn lucky.
You’ll find someone. A good dad, a person that’s open to that kind of intimacy and trust? Anyone you run across would be lucky to have you.
But, the balls didn’t touch.
If the balls don’t touch, you’re doing it wrong
Straightest thing I’ve ever heard.
Ikr?
What why? And you have something against gay?
Its a green text, where everything is fake, as gay as can be, and we’re all fags
It would be very nice if we could not copy literal 4chan behavior here though, not even ironically.
It’s a fucking green text community, you know where the unsubscribe button is
Don’t participate in the community based around 4chan if you don’t want 4chan-like content
Yeah, you’re missing the meme of it all.
While it may seem counterintuitive, the 4chan meme of any post being gay helps. If everything is gay, there’s nothing wrong with gay at all. Besides, have you got any close friends under about 30? The entire usage of gay as an insult has essentially disappeared because it’s been reclaimed by young gay folks. They’ve successfully taken it and made it a positive thing.
Back maybe ten, fifteen years ago, what were then gay kids started using it in an ironic way. They’d be gaming or whatever, and someone would do something cool, and another would say, that’s great, but you’re totally gay. Back and forth like that.
Having grown up in an era where it was commonly an insult to be called gay, then seeing gay people gain access to their rights as fellow citizens, and then take old slurs and strip them of much or all of their power, it’s beautiful. There was a time I would have made the same assumption you did. I’d have jumped all over someone saying the same thing.
But now? It’s a celebration of gayness. It’s saying that everything is gay, and that’s fabulous as fuck. Gay isn’t just okay, it’s a thing we accept as commonplace.
When I use it in the context of greentext, it’s recognizing that the assholes of 4chan lost. They didn’t get to keep the word and use it as a bad thing. It got taken from the bigots after lifetimes of use as a word of oppression, and that’s such a victory that it deserves celebrating by using it in this way.
Seriously, if you get a chance to hang around some younger LGBTQ people, take it. They’re the generations raised where being “gay” isn’t some horrible secret, it isn’t a doom of shame that you have to hide at all times. You sit around, or go shooting with, or whatever, and these folks are just casual about it. Hell, I’ve run into groups that are using f×g the same way here and there. Not as common for sure, but it happens.
Obviously, if the context is such that it’s being used as a slur, or even just derogatorily, the person doing so is an asshole. But that’s the key, they aren’t the ones with the power over the word now! The assholes and bigots are the ones that are treated with contempt and derision when they use the word. It really is fucking glorious, beautiful to see.
Man, I used to bounce at a drag club. I had to literally fight to keep the patrons safe from direct physical attack. Seeing the word gay become a term of endearment? I can’t describe how happy that makes me. I hear my kid’s gay friends laughing and throwing it around at school, openly and nobody bats an eye because the power of it too be used as a weapon is finally gone. It fills me with joy to have lived long enough to see it happen. I’m typing this and crying thinking about it.
They’re gay, I’m gay, you’re gay, everyone is gay, and it’s fucking amazing :)