• lath@lemmy.world
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    10 days ago

    Sounds like a red flag with a white circle and a black symbol within. But also romantic. They’re not mutually exclusive.

    As some say, romance is death…

    • 667@lemmy.radio
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      10 days ago

      Absolutely insane.

      Just get a tattoo of their name like the rest of us.

      • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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        9 days ago

        Yeah, I don’t understand what they’re getting out of it. Here’s my pros/cons list:

        Pros:

        • trust?

        Cons:

        • if you break up, they can screw you
        • if there’s a data breach, you can get screwed
        • they accidentally leave their phone unlocked
        • send phone for repair and the tech sees the video
        • they accidentally send it to someone else, mistaking it for another

        That doesn’t seem very balanced to me… Instead of mutually assured destruction (assuming this is reciprocated), just be a good BF/GF? Why isn’t that enough?

        • garbagebagel@lemmy.world
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          8 days ago

          I think it’s honestly just a test and the person does actually believe those things but is saying it as a “joke” to see how far they can push it with their new partner. So the biggest pro would be “did I find someone equally as racist and shitty as me and if so, score”, I guess?

  • dingdongitsabear@lemmy.ml
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    10 days ago

    Obligatory “this some young people shit”.

    Young people do and say stupid shit to come off as edgy and the vast majority of them don’t actually mean it and regret it later in life.

    As to your question, that’s why you date people, to see if they’re good, for you and otherwise. You don’t go “red flag!” -> napalm!!!, you evaluate contexts and repeat occurrences of perceived wrongs.

    • Blum0108@lemmy.world
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      10 days ago

      That being said, it’s a huge red flag and you don’t need a repeat occurrence to end the relationship.

    • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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      10 days ago

      Sure, but this is also a weird miscommunication. Why do this crazy trust exercise when you can instead have honest conversations? This sounds like the relationship is going to be based on proving yourself to the other instead of genuinely getting to know them.

      If I received this, I’d show them me deleting it from all my devices and ask them to never do anything like that again, because you never know what could be exposed in a breach. I’d also tell them if any of that was genuine, we would need to end the relationship.

  • hissing meerkat@sh.itjust.works
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    10 days ago

    A red flag.

    Sharing dangerous ideas with somebody to show that you think they are safe is an honest signal of trust, but only if the dangerous ideas are genuine.

    Someone who attempts to buy trust disingenuously is not to be trusted.

    Someone who thinks in terms of kompromat and manipulation is dangerous to be around.

  • superkret@feddit.org
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    10 days ago

    This is kinda unhinged in my opinion.
    But then again, I grew up before social media, maybe this is the ultimate proof of love now? I don’t know.

    Anyway, putting herself completely at your mercy is not a good start into a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.

    • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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      10 days ago

      Yup. I don’t want blackmail on them, and I don’t want them to have blackmail on me, because if the relationship goes south, one of us (or both!) will resort to the nuclear option.

      Protect yourself and build a relationship based on respect. Trust is earned, not ransomed.

      • Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        10 days ago

        Idk, I have shit (emails and texts) that could be considered blackmail on my ex wife of 15 years (not legal but would trash her relationship with her family which for all our faults she values and depends on as much as anything in life) and I would never open that can of worms. I also have video sent to me that would cost my current girlfriend (she shared them) massive headaches and likely thousands in lawyer fees and support. I can’t imagine a scenario where I would leverage it for anything. I value that my ex and current GF know they can trust me, entirely, without consequence. Relationships are hard and things don’t always become or remain what one would like but I can’t imagine purposefully hurting someone like that. My ex wife and I can’t stand each other but theirs comfort in knowing we can trust each other. I wouldn’t go to her funeral but I’d help her bury a body and I know she feels the same.

  • Atlas_@lemmy.world
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    10 days ago

    First, 100% a red flag. Even if they wanted to give some sort of “I trust you with my life” sort of video, there’s a bunch of better ways to do it. Going for a racist rant makes me think that they’re a racist.

    Secondly, this is deeply submissive - they’re giving you the power to ruin their life. If you want to do that sort of stuff as a couple you should really talk about it first and be on board with receiving that sort of power and responsibility. Entirely possible+reasonable for the receiver to find this shitty because they don’t want to make a choice like this, especially if these are truly held beliefs.

    The healthy response to this is to send them to a therapist. And definitely dump them if they’re actually racist.

    • Clent@lemmy.world
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      9 days ago

      I don’t see how someone could do a racist rant and not be racist. That it is a rant is an important word here.

          • gamermanh@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            9 days ago

            I can (and have, many times) dropped a hard-r for comedic effect, even around my black friends, as they have the context to know that I’m not actually the kind of person to use that word normally

            If I was recorded and shared to the internet doing so free of context, I would be labelled as a racist shithead immediately and forever

            • Clent@lemmy.world
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              9 days ago

              Is that the situation here? It is not.

              Everyone wanting to give the benefit of the doubt here gives racists room to exist.

              • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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                8 days ago

                That’s how I read it, yes. But we obviously don’t have enough context to say whether the GF is actually racist or just pretending to be as a crazy trust exercise. I’m taking it as a crazy trust exercise because that’s the only way this could fit any definition of “romantic.”

          • ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca
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            9 days ago

            I think taking any random problem and putting blame on a group of people would be racist. I could spruce it up with the term “nipper” or “kike” and most people would find it racist

            I suppose you just don’t find anything racist if you can’t come up with it

            • Clent@lemmy.world
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              9 days ago

              I supposed you just don’t find anything racist

              I am arguing the exact opposite.

              • ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca
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                8 days ago

                You’re saying a non-racist person couldn’t say anything racist

                The only way to argue that is if they don’t know what is racist

  • reddwarf@feddit.nl
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    10 days ago

    I have a fleeting suspicion that this girl now thinks, because of her own action, she can do this to you now as well. OP, be careful what you share with her because ruining someones life is an option in her book…

    • explodicle@sh.itjust.works
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      8 days ago

      My spouse and I have been married 15 years and I still don’t share my GPG passphrase. Whoever says “you can’t have secrets” is weird and controlling.

  • boreengreen@lemm.ee
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    10 days ago

    Sounds like she is making a “joke” in poor taste while also fishing for your take on the things she is joking about.

    or perhaps it’s something sexual. Power imbalance Idk.

    • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
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      10 days ago

      Nah, if it was real they’re either fucked in the head about romance or feeling them out with deniability. Just a red flag in superposition between different warnings.

      Plus you’ll note there isn’t anything in there about not believing what she said. Just the nonsense about trust.

  • shoulderoforion@fedia.io
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    10 days ago

    They say never stick your dick in crazy, but from my experience, that’s where the best stuff is, but you gotta know, there’s a shelf life to flirting with insanity, you gotta know when to get out, or else you’re just in for life changing pain. This sounds a bit outside comfort levels for me, and I’d be looking for the out door.

    • rottingleaf@lemmy.world
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      10 days ago

      Still, the one thing worse than sticking your dick in crazy is almost sticking your dick in crazy, so that the negative effect were still there, but you wouldn’t have fun memories at lonely evenings.

  • oleorun@real.lemmy.fan
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    10 days ago

    Bright, shining, blinking, scrolling, red LED-illuminated flags m’dude.

    She needs some therapy on boundaries and impulse control by the sound of it. Then again I’m going off a 5 second read and not a lifetime of experience so I am conceding that I do not know anything for certain.

    I would say ‘hey, out of respect for you I am deleting this video, thanks for the gift, please get me a gift card to XYZ next time’. But yeah, first time? Give her the pass. If it happens again, GTFO.