I moved back in with my parents at 35 a couple years ago after personal financial ruin.
CW: Suicide
I was so depressed at the time that I told them they should let me die because I didn’t want to be a financial burden on them.
That’s how seriously money was weighing on my mind at the time.
All I knew about my parents finances before yesterday was that they had multiple high-interest credit cards nearly maxed out. I knew this because my mom has shared the account login credentials with me.
All I could think about was getting a job ASAP to help the family stay of the streets, but I was too depressed to function.
Yesterday after a long conversation, my mom shows me her Merrill Lynch account on her iPad. It has a balance of over $128k. All stocks.
My mom has been squirreling every dollar she can into it for the past thirty years.
I clicked “max” on the balance history. The balance used to be over $600k but she makes a lot of trades.
I’m going through a lot of emotions rn.
individualism so internalized that leads to not trusting your own kid.
How old are your parents? The general rule of thumb is that you need to save 8- or 10-12x your annual income for retirement. If they are anywhere near retirement age they honestly probably couldn’t afford to pay for your college. We don’t know the details of how they blew through that money (they may have moved it to another broker) but even if they still have 600K that could be their entire retirement savings. You can go through that quickly with a major health issue. If you look on the bright side it’s nice that you can always stay with them when you fall on hard times…
Yeah I was thinking the same thing but didn’t want to start some sort of money struggle session. Working for 3 fucking decades and building up a savings of 128k is not rich by any means. It’s not enough to retire. I wouldn’t expect my parents to drain their retirement to cover my student loans.
Granted, they might have 401k savings as well, but I kind of doubt it. It wouldn’t make sense not to max out 401k first.
bruh, your parents suck so hard, I’m so sorry
I clicked “max” on the balance history. The balance used to be over $600k but she makes a lot of trades.
btw tho you should probably get her off the gambling before that account balance becomes 0
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That really sucks and it’s shameful they chose to not help you.
maxed out CCs and a brokerage account with 128k? if theyre not paying the CCs off every month, are they stupid? she is 100% gambling if the balance has declined to almost 1/5 of the max (depending on when that was)
This is more about self-preservation than anything else bc if theyre doing poorly and you depend on their home then you’re at risk and not just them. Unless the brokerage acct is play money and they have other savings or the house is paid off, etc
There’s no reason to think they’re being truthful and forthright about their finances now. They probably pulled a bunch out to put in something more stable, or just spent it.
You’re not alone. After my dad left my mom, he and his new wife became fairly wealthy, they’re probably millionaires now. While this happened his kids and ex squatted in their old home for a few years until they were kicked out and then moved into a leaky house that barely had heat in New England. I never got shit from him in adulthood besides being able to stay on my step-mother’s health insurance which he would get pissed at me every time I used. Though I’ve been lucky to never be in a bad financial spot, I still worry constantly, sometimes to the point of panic, about money because of how I grew up and he’s done irreparable harm to me and the people I love by hoarding wealth.
Some parents hate their kids. Some just have no empathy for them. Either way I think it’s quite reasonable to be upset about it and define your relationship around it. It gets easier to deal with over time.
Do you know if the losses of $472k are all through trades, or also from selling stock + withdrawals?
It’s possible they just moved it into some other asset. E.g. paying off the mortgage.
Out and out: that sucks. I’m really sorry. You deserve better.
I have a couple thoughts, some of which are probably conflicting but I’m also just reading this from the sidelines.
- To some degree I empathize with your parents: they were born into this death cult and they probably believe in it. It’s fucked up but most of us (I assume) come from Western-loving households who think hard work, grit, and eating stew makes you a better person.
- I struggled hard in my 20s and my divorced parents were unable to help me. I ended up doing a bunch of shit that I absolutely hated (which later led me to despise myself), including joining gangs and engaging in street violence, and then eventually joining the military (thank god I never saw combat), and then bouncing around doing the most inane shit to make ends meet. Had there been some nest egg either of my parents were sitting on, I would be beyond pissed.
- However… My dad eventually moved in with me for his latter years leading up to his death. Something I never planned on since I really didn’t care for him, and quite frankly I didn’t care if he lived or died (until I was actually faced with that decision). His moving in is probably the singular event that pushed me from SocDem-status to “bring on the revolution.” So thinking about that, if there was ever a time in my life I would have fallen to my knees and accepted Jesus into my soul, it would have been to find out there was some sort of nest egg his broke-dick ass was sitting on that could have helped me, and him, in our darkest hour.
I know that’s probably not very helpful in your current circumstances. My best advice is to do your best to have a good circle of friends who share in your frustration and struggle, and who genuinely care about you. Your mom is probably doing what’s best given the environment she comes from.
