You would probably get some good tips from an ADHD community, though the tips here have been good too.

I think you’re overwhelmed, which is probably obvious but it may help to state it plainly. When I’m overwhelmed, it helps if I give myself permission to just drop everything for a bit. Whatever stuff I think I need to get done isn’t going to get done anyway and stressing about it isn’t helping, so I take a breather. Then I start with just basic self care, however much I can manage. I can’t stand going without a shower so that’s a first. Eating might wait if it’s really bad, but I have some meal replacement shakes for emergencies when I really can’t do anything else. I’ll probably isolate and ignore people for a little bit, but if I do it right I start to feel up to talking before too many days go by. But by dropping everything and then adding it back one thing at a time, I stop feeling so overwhelmed.

The world finds a way to keep on going even as we sit still and catch our breath. Trauma and anxiety just make us feel like we might die if we don’t do the things, even though it’s almost never that dire. We have very intense feelings - and it is important to give yourself space to feel and process them - but they are just temporary feelings and you do not have to believe them.

Thank you. I really do appreciate it. I know I’ll get there in the end because it’s the right diagnosis. But help like this gets me there a lot faster.

It’s the truth. Former domestic policy chief for the Nixon White House, John Ehrlichman, spoke out about it years after the fact:

“You understand what I’m saying? We knew we couldn’t make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin. And then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities,” Ehrlichman said. “We could arrest their leaders. raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news. Did we know we were lying about the drugs? Of course we did.”

Psychedelics were criminalized in the US to target anti-war protesters. This is in the open and on the record, but they’re still classified as a Schedule I drug: no currently accepted medical use and a high potential for abuse. Neither of those things are true. It’s completely fucked up.

I appreciate the reassurance at least. I still think the results will be skewed from what they would be if I didn’t have that level of familiarity and practice, but I can at least hope it won’t be significant enough to matter. Or, better yet, that more weight will be placed on the human elements like actually talking with me. I guess mostly it’s just wanting to actually feel heard and understood instead of having my concerns and experiences dismissed yet again. We wouldn’t still be undiagnosed in our forties if people listened.

Yeah, any kind of electronic or reaction based test concerns me a little because I’ve been a gamer my entire life, so my experience doing similar activities is going to affect my results when compared against a control that hasn’t spent almost 40 years practicing. Fucking up on purpose doesn’t seem great either, but it’s definitely something I’ve thought about if I found myself in that situation. It would be really nice if I didn’t need to, but that’s wishful thinking.

I’m well set up for telehealth and I really appreciate the info! I’ll definitely take a look. If I can find a local place that accepts insurance, that would be a big help financially, but I’m glad to have somewhere to look if that doesn’t pan out for any number of reasons.

I’m interested if it’s not too much trouble. My current plan is to try and find any local resources or recommendations for doctors specializing in adult ADHD specifically. I was going to get around to that after the holidays. For sure. Probably.

So I’m always down for more info and more possible avenues I can explore. Especially since I don’t know if I’ll find what I’m looking for. Or when.

What kind of help are you offering? I’m 42 and recent events have pushed me to seek the official diagnosis, but my last attempt was a blatant waste of time. The psychiatrist wasn’t even interested in the possibility.

I’m in this boat now. After years of the wrong diagnoses, I’m finally figuring out it’s been ADHD this whole time. But I keep running into issues getting a proper diagnosis and treatment. The last guy decided it was depression after one meeting with zero tests and it’s just so frustrating. If he actually knew anything, he’d know it’s more complicated than that. He also didn’t listen at all.

This is a mistaken take driven by corporations. Artists and creators generally don’t own their own copyrights. It’s the first thing they’re forced to sign away to get any kind of contract, publishing deal, or other form of access from the big players who hold the keys to the kingdom. Nobody is making even a million dollars let alone more without going through them, and they don’t agree unless they own those rights.

Small time creators can own their own work, but even then you have countless examples of creators who wouldn’t play ball so the bigger companies just plagiarized them and they don’t have the money to fight it. You need the backing of a big company to even enforce your claim against the other big companies that threaten it if it’s actually lucrative. And, again, they won’t unless they’re the ones that own it because you signed it away.

Copyright does not protect creators in the slightest. It’s a tool by and for large business used to legally steal from creators.

I see why you’d say they’re still experimenting - and they are within the confines of the souls formula. They definitely aren’t making carbon copies of past games. But, compared to the crazy variety and wild mechanics in their back catalog, the souls formula is pretty narrow. They’ve got a card battler, an adventure game series, a co-op puzzle platformer, and more in their portfolio. Demon’s Souls itself was a huge experiment: souls, messages, and invasions into a mostly single player experience were completely novel and even weird. Let’s not forget about world tendency, (even if we want to).

FromSoft was always like that: a bunch of totally random ideas you’d never seen before with enough good, bad, and weird to go around. The changes they make today are comparatively tame. Imagine if the next soulslike game did away with the entire magic system and instead you craft your own spells from elements (Eternal Ring). Or if they did away with respawns and overhauled the entire leveling system in Bloodborne like they did when trying to give Shadow Tower its own identity separate from King’s Field. They were wild, but that’s what gave the world soulslikes in the first place.

I understand why they play it safe. Honestly, they don’t have a choice. It comes with the budget. So I really don’t begrudge them the lack of experimentation too much. But I do find it sad because it’s our loss. They could do better, and who knows what other stuff they might have come up with if they were truly free to experiment the way they used to. What I really wish is for them and other devs to just make smaller games with smaller budgets. Still make the AAA games, just set aside a small amount to experiment with and try new things too. That way we keep learning, discovering, and innovating. We’d all have better games for it.

Skill issue on FromSoft’s part, and I say that as someone who has been a fan of their games longer than most people in this thread - more than a decade before even Demon’s Souls. Their original talent was always in detailed, immersive world design. Their gameplay was unpolished and experimental, but that’s something I liked about them. They got a smash hit with Demon’s and Dark Souls and made a hard pivot towards iterating on that formula. They still embrace their roots as a studio focused on detailed world building, but they’re trying to move more towards action and encounter design to cater to Souls fans. Where once they were highly experimental, now they seem afraid to try anything different.

A better studio could find a way for players to share that struggle and triumph while still allowing players of different skill levels to enjoy everything the game has to offer. That studio would be Supergiant with Hades’ God Mode option, which slowly gives more damage resistance each time you die so the player still struggles and gets better until the handicap and their improving skill meet in the middle. In the context of Souls, this could be separate for each boss. Or another entirely different approach could be taken. The point is merely that there are ways for players of different skill levels to still share in the same struggles, FromSoft is just unwilling or incapable of finding them.

So as a longtime FromSoft fan, I think they’re the ones who need to git gud.

In some states, saving her life would have been illegal. Many women rightfully fear living in such states even if they are not currently pregnant because it’s a dystopian nightmare. It’s literal body horror. Imagine being raped, getting pregnant, being forced to carry the baby, then one day the pain is unbearable and the bleeding won’t stop but the doctors just sit there and watch you die. Some might risk giving you a painkiller, others fear even that could put them at risk.

It’s not that it’s illegal to move to another state. But it might be a death sentence.

This is an important message and a positive one. Thank you.

Sounds similar to my journey in some ways. I’ll share a bit on the off chance that some of my experiences might be useful.

I always had headaches and mental health struggles. Hopefully you don’t. I sought help for both. My mental health issues were misdiagnosed (I’m AuDHD, the other stuff mostly stems from that) and for the headaches I was just told to lose weight. Easier said than done, and the headaches got worse while I tried. I used pain meds and developed chest pain that got diagnosed as heartburn. Prescription omeprazole (prilosec) keeps it in check.

I finally lost enough weight for them to take the headaches seriously and get referred to a neurologist. We can’t be sure of the exact cause, but a good bet is anxiety - a very sensitive/overactive nervous system as a result of C-PTSD and autism. I take topiramate to calm it a little, edibles 1-2 times a week, quarterly injections, and I do a somatic meditation. This is a great exercise for pain without a physical source, caused by things like my overactive nervous system.

If your pain is made worse by anxiety, it may help to get in the habit of practicing a quick somatic meditation focusing on the pain whenever you experience it. Otherwise, just keep advocating for yourself until you find a doctor that will help. I hope you find something that works for you soon.

Also, on brain meds: they’re all multi-function, so if it’s anti-anxiety that’s more of a happy accident. They wouldn’t give you a nerve blocker just for anxiety. Side effects tend to lessen the longer you take the drug, but not always, and the time scale is a bit different for each. At 2 weeks it should be starting to get better, at a month if it’s not better it’s probably not going to get much better. Hang in there!

Damn, got it in one

Yup, it was the first thing we checked when I actually got treatment. I’m sure that didn’t help, but compared to the pain of the migraines it was negligible. Having to refrain from pain meds for a while to make sure was a hell of a ride though. I lasted about three months. The doctor was satisfied with 1-2 but I wanted to be damn sure.

I give people the same warning nowadays. Don’t take that stuff more than once a week.

I’m kinda in this meme. I went through one of those big bottles roughly every 1-2 months for 20 years. Sometimes 12 pills in one day, with 4-8 acetaminophen on top (they do giant double packs of those too). Chronic migraines, but every doctor I asked for help just told me to lose weight so it went untreated and got worse and worse. Our health care suuuucks.

I did lose the weight. It didn’t magically fix my migraines, or affect them at all. Insurance dicked me around for another year and a half while my neurologist tried to help every way she could, but we finally got it down to only one migraine a week. I’m truly glad for that, but I still think about the years of unnecessary suffering, and how much better it might be now if I’d been treated sooner.

Look up DoctorRamani on YouTube. Her videos were informative and validating when I was trying to escape my abusive narcissist ex. I also found journaling to help. I put all my thoughts and feelings about the relationship down in a journaling app, which helped clarify my thoughts, work through the emotions, and it served as a record against her attempts at gaslighting. I could also go back and refresh my memory, and I was surprised how deeply unhappy I was all the time. I knew there were problems and that I was struggling while trying to get her to be better, but I had this general sense that things were kind of okay. They were not, and it was really clear when I read it back.

Best of luck to you getting and maintaining as much distance as you can. It’s hard now, but you will heal. Once the effect of the abuse starts to wear off, it’ll get a lot easier.

This is really sad. While it’s valid and understandable to not always be able to hold space for that kind of a conversation or story, at a minimum there are far kinder ways to communicate that than for your partner to just say you’re trauma dumping and leave you feeling like this is stuff you should never talk about. A good partner cares enough to listen to those things, and when they ask you not to share, it’s more of a, “not right now, let’s talk about this later.”

I’m not trying to draw any conclusions because there’s no way I’d have enough information anyway, but survivors of abusive upbringings are more likely to end up in abusive relationships because so much of that has been normalized (among other reasons). If your partner really accuses you of trauma dumping, that’s a bit of a red flag to me and it might not be a terrible idea to talk to friends, family, or a therapist as a sanity check to see if it’s nothing or if it’s a pattern of how you are treated. If you don’t want to do that, journaling can also help a lot with organizing your thoughts and feelings, plus it gives you a record of things in case you forget, downplay them, or are told otherwise and start to doubt yourself.

I really just hope everything is okay though. Stay safe out there, stranger.

wtf, meds by the day and weekly piss tests? Damn that’s brutal. Is it because of where you live or do they know about your drug history and just treat you like shit because of that?

That’s what really gets me: they’ll vilify someone using a harmless medicine in moderation for treatment purposes, but completely overlook people who get totally fucked up on alcohol on the regular. It’s so backwards. I avoided weed for decades until it was prescribed to me because “drugs are bad” and it didn’t take long after trying it to figure out what a ridiculous lie that is. Not all drugs are equal, and alcohol is worse than at least a few.