• Th4tGuyII@fedia.io
    525·
    7 days ago

    Related to the previous posts bit, but I remember first seeing the Man vs. Bear memes.

    I’ll admit it was hard not to take it personally at first, because even if you agreed with the core of the message, it feels like you’re being lumped in with the worst of menkind for no good reason. That’s probably why the reaction was so toxic, because people just replied with their gut reaction, which was to take offence…

    But upon giving it a bit of thought, I realised that as a guy who’s lived in some dodgy areas, I think I too would oftentimes prefer to take my chances with a bear than alone with a stranger at night - not cause I think I’d beat the bear, but at least you know what the bear’s probably gonna do…

    And if I feel that way being a man, then considering (on average) women are weaker than men of the same build, I can see why women would feel that way too.

    • Dragon Rider (drag)@lemmy.nzEnglish
      337·
      7 days ago

      Indian metal band Bloodywood has the best take on the “all men” issue:

      Not all men?
      Yes all men!
      Need all men for what we’re solving
      Can’t be what it’s been but we’re evolving

      The patriarchy privileges every man, which means every man needs to fight the system. If every man who hears the message and isn’t an abuser stands up and does something, we can end the patriarchy. It’s not “every man is guilty”, it’s “every man is responsible, and we can end it together.”

      And the rest of the song is about punching rapists.

      • TrousersMcPants@lemmy.world
        121·
        7 days ago

        I agree with this and I have absolutely no desire to undermine the problems that women face. However I think it is also important to understand how many men also feel oppressed by the patriarchy as well. Obviously women have been and continue to be oppressed to a far greater and much more literal degree, but so many men feel this immense pressure to “be a man.” This frustration at feeling inadequate because of these immense pressures is what makes so many men as dangerous and unpredictable as they are. I really think this is a major part of the issue, we need more men to stand up and realize that they don’t have to conform to some shitty societal idea of what masculinity should be, same as how women have been fighting against their own traditional gender roles. Any man who can feel secure in being himself regardless of society’s expectations should help the men in his life to understand the same. Maybe then we’d have less insecure, dangerous men running around.

        • Dragon Rider (drag)@lemmy.nzEnglish
          113·
          7 days ago

          Oh yeah Bloodywood get that. They’re an all male band. They also have songs about struggling with suicide and living your own truth

          (In Hindi:)
          I am not voiceless, I am endurant
          I m not a stray rock, I am the founding stone of a mountain
          I am not weak, I am forgiving
          Within darkness, I am my own light

          They are the most positive male role models you can imagine, openly talking about personal struggle and about the things they told themself to overcome those struggles.

          And they also think the working class should rise up and redistribute wealth. They’ve used the proceeds from their tours to help homeless animals and pay for counselling for young people. They say if the conditions faced by the poorest in society don’t change, the owning class should expect a riot. “No flag on my bulletproof vest”.

        • starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works
          3·
          7 days ago

          I know you probably didn’t mean it like this, but I’m one of those people who “realized” I didn’t need to conform to being traditionally masculine, and this is definitely not something the average person can or should do. If you don’t try your best at “being a man,” When you’re younger other men will bully you, most women will either think there’s something wrong with you or not want to talk to you, and your parents will wonder what they’re doing wrong. Even people with super accepting parents end up feeling weirded out by “non manly” people because it’s not the norm. When you get older a lot of these issues get easier because you can choose who you associate with, but I still get people either commenting or treating me worse because I’m not “manly” enough, almost never the opposite.

          I have no idea what to do about this, I’m just saying living as a not traditionally “manly” will have the general population treating you worse for your whole life, and you’re either strong enough to deal with that and stick with only the people who don’t care about it, or you go back to being “manly”

          • TrousersMcPants@lemmy.world
            3·
            7 days ago

            This is actually literally exactly what I’m talking about. We need more people to realize that not conforming to gender roles, masculine or feminine, does not make you a worse person. How many terrible men do you think wanted to express themselves their way but had that individuality beaten out of them? What do you think that does to a person? I am certain there is a good portion of men who learned very early on to hate men who do not behave as men should, and therefore hate themselves for not conforming to this ideal. I’m sure these men have lashed out in terrible ways which only goes to feed the justified fear people have of this culture of masculinity and the people it creates. Everyone in this is a victim, even if they don’t know it.

    • Lumelore (She/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      171·
      6 days ago

      it feels like you are being lumped in with the worst of menkind for no good reason.

      Before I realized I was trans I also got super upset at being lumped in with bad men (although with an additional different reason that I didn’t understand at the time), and that feeling is absolutely terrible, because you’re basically getting shit on just for existing.

      From my perspective as a woman it seems like there are a lot of shitty dudes out there. After I realizing I’m trans it became a lot easier to notice misogyny since it now affects me. I did notice before, but when something affects you specifically you notice it a lot more. I also didn’t fully understand how weak women are compared to men until I started taking estrogen. Just being near a man I don’t know well or at all is very scary because of how easily he could overpower me.

      If I am getting a random bear vs a random man I would definitely take the bear just because I feel like the risk of getting a bad man is too high. If I could pick a specific man, I definitely would pick my father or a friend because I know they are good men and I feel safe around them.

      I think some outrage could have been avoided if the question was worded just a bit better, although I think part of why it got so popular is because of the outrage it caused.

    • spujb@lemmy.cafeOPEnglish
      143·
      7 days ago

      hell yeah dude. it’s an uncomfortable conclusion to draw, but it’s an uncomfortable reality we live in.

  • 2ugly2live@lemmy.world
    10·
    6 days ago

    I love all these comments like this woman is asking, cares, or is even interested. “I totally probably would.” Okay, but would she??? Why do they think this woman wants to be someone’s last call when she could be someone’s first choice? If I looked at a picture of a regular guy and my fat ass was like, “Hmm, I mean, if I was drunk, and I had no options, I guess I’d take him home” I’d be dragged, and rightfully so. 😂

    • spujb@lemmy.cafeOPEnglish
      9·
      6 days ago

      the guy who made that comment is in this post right now saying “you don’t know the women or NBs i associate with [or if i make them uncomfortable]”

      meanwhile in this post are several women and NBs saying “yeah that made me uncomfortable” 😭 listening to women is hard for misogynistic actors i guess.

      fortunately the mods over at [email protected] are doing their job to wack this guy.

  • lseif@sopuli.xyz
    16·
    6 days ago

    thats what happens when you build a community with a large percentage of shut-in nerds and software devs (speaking as one of the latter)

    • spujb@lemmy.cafeOPEnglish
      9·
      6 days ago

      yeah, i try to think of it as an opportunity. i usually try to focus my efforts on encouraging growth and recognizing the hurt thats caused.

    • MBM@lemmings.world
      6·
      6 days ago

      This is essentially why I’d like more “normies” here
      (or option 2: maybe I should just avoid online spaces with the (sexist/weird) kind of people I avoid IRL)

  • kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    223·
    7 days ago

    I feel like it depends on the instance, .world is mostly male liberals (who will occasionally act sexist) while Blahaj.zone is mostly Transfem :3

    (Btw I wouldnt tolerate any of those comments on c/Trans)

    • Ziglin@lemmy.worldEnglish
      5·
      7 days ago

      I did not know that. Where are these demographics from? (More male users doesn’t really surprise me, that seems to be common in the places I’m interested in)

    • 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.caEnglish
      4·
      6 days ago

      i seriously think i have to revisit who im attracted to because cis-women sometimes just don’t vibe with my lifestyle anymore. I’ve been online for too long and its changed my personality. I have had relationships with women who would find these comments funny and acceptable, and i would kinda go “eugh” at them and second guess my feelings.

      • TotallynotJessica@lemmy.world
        202·
        7 days ago

        .world users suck compared to blahaj.zone. With .ml, you get tankies, but with .world, you get more transphobes and lib normies. I spend all my time here, getting shocked by what’s normalized when I visit other instances. The people here can be horny, but are much more likely to respect boundaries if told.

  • MBM@lemmings.world
    102·
    6 days ago

    I’m glad that every time I see a “girls are boring/well-adjusted, boys are quirky” meme format someone has already commented on that, but it always comes with multiple “it’s just a meme dude, don’t overthink it” responses.

  • Gamma@beehaw.orgEnglish
    7·
    6 days ago

    Comments like those make me glad for my instance, I very rarely see anything like them

  • UnhingedFridge@lemmy.worldEnglish
    5·
    6 days ago

    The only thing I could think of when I saw that was worry about her own self-image… obviously won’t comment trash like that unless providing context to further thoughts -

    So long as she’s happy or in the pursuit of her own personal happiness (even if not and just doing what she can do get through this shitty life,) whatever she looks like is none of my fucking business ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Sucks to think of the unnecessary abuse she has to put up with from day to day.

    • spujb@lemmy.cafeOPEnglish
      5·
      6 days ago

      fortunately i don’t think she browses lemmy, and i’ve seen the comments under the original video from where the image was pulled—they are all much kinder.

      which is good news for her but the fact there was such a big pattern here is deeply troubling.