I’m guessing whatever it scraped to generate this was intended for divvying up food rather than doing actual math. 1/3 plus a third of a third is close enough to a half if you’re talking about portioning out pizza or leftovers or what have you.
JFK’s head just did that
Hey Matt, do you fucking hear yourself when you speak or is it like an ‘adult characters on Peanuts’ situation?
Honestly I think if you tossed this whole thing in a frying pan and cooked it up like grilled cheese it would improve by several orders of magnitude.
charismatic (Trump? Ew, how?)
I’ve been calling it carnival barker energy. It’s not exactly charisma, it’s stage presence comprised mostly of speed, energy, and volume. And it’s fucking catnip to morons apparently.
In hindsight, I think the big issue with her campaign was simply how little time they had. We should have done an actual fucking primary, or Biden should have bowed out sooner, or at bare minimum she should have simply been as inescapably in the headlines as humanly possible because apparently there’s a contingent of dense enough motherfuckers out there that people were searching who was running on election day.
Fun fact, it’s actually been theorized that overlapping cave paintings like that were essentially a rudimentary form of animation, as flickering firelight would create the illusion of movement.
I wouldn’t call that definite by any stretch. Not because he wouldn’t, but because honestly I feel like there’s a pretty decent chance he drops dead between now and then.
Losing candidate gets slimed.
Overcooked
I would also accept developing a newfound interest in the Titanic.
I see your dudes with a flag and raise you a guy in an inflatable dinosaur costume 
those black eyed peas tasted alright to me, Earl
“Red alert!”
“Are you sure sir? It does mean changing the bulb”
Tbf, I think radio absolutely used to be better before iheart and their ilk bought fucking everything and turned every goddamn station into a hypersanitized prepackaged mix of the same 10 bloody songs over and over. Therefore, by extension, I could 100% see how someone basing their opinion on what actually gets radio play could easily arrive at the conclusion that music is worse now.
This just feels like either
A. He doesn’t fully get what satire is and assumes it has to be lighthearted or
B. He’s using “provocative” to basically mean “clickbait, but I’m too pretentious to call it that”
I fucking hate this minimalist design trend more than it is probably reasonable to hate an aesthetic. It’s got the personality of unfinished drywall.