bolshevikLovelace [she/her]
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- 28 Comments
2·9 hours agooh truly? 4 years seems like a good while but hoping i can at least feel a bit more comfortable with them before then. i think as i get less overwhelmed by dysphoria of my entire body i tend to preen a bit more but always catch some feature that i dislike
alright pretty standard time frame for it then. think i’m just nervous since we haven’t discussed it at any other appointments but thank you for the reassurance!! ig i’ll update in a couple months
wait he voiced Benny? my headcanon is that Yuri voices every character in the game
they look like little pink domes…
spoiler
okay, i’ll ask! i really wish i could point to more research than anecdotes from horny internet people but i’m excited to try it out nonetheless
congrats!! ID change stuff is so hard to get through, i’ve done a bit but i’m procrastinating on the passport because of getting my photo done
and i love seeing my name on an actual document now, it’s so cutesy and it’s mine <3
i’m kinda happy with estrogen effects on breast size so far, i know it can generally take a while but eughhh when will my nipples stop looking so weird??
also (cw sex stuff)
i started cyproterone at 3 months and my libido is gone. completely fucking wiped out. i have to try so hard to convince myself that the effort could be worth it. it’s definitely better than the ravenous feelings i had with T but ehhh
got my 6 month catch up in Jan, would that be a good time to ask about prog? i don’t want to come off too eager but… well i am
uhhhh this is a long rant into the void, i’m sorry in advance
recontextualising my childhood (cw depression)
i’m now realising that i was very likely depressed when i was 14-15. at the time i remember thinking that i wasn’t charismatic/masculine enough for anyone to spend time with. i thought a lot about suicide but never considered it. i watched SO many videos like “How to get people to like you”. but i didn’t think i was depressed then because i had a group of friends, now i don’t think they ever really cared about my wellbeing at all. then, go figure, i would crush so hard on any girl that showed me any lick of compassion or just feel weird that i was trying to hang out with someone of the other gender. it’s infuriating how much my friends, family, the internet, all bullied the masculinity into me and that i had no idea what was wrong with me (was yet to figure out there was nothing wrong, just trans and autistic).
well i was at that low point until i started talking to someone and one day she invited me to this charity event that i cross-dressed in. her friends, that i had known but not really connected with before, helped me get ready and they made me feel so fucking pretty omg. i never forgot that, it was the best night i’d had in a really long time (even if my friends laughed at the pictures when they saw them). well, full of anxiety i asked that girl out and she said yes. we dated for 10 months or so and i think the whole time i was living vicariously through her - “while boys can’t go to girls hangouts and help do girl things, boyfriends can” kinda mentality. the break up was kinda expected but losing that group of people that actually cared about me was really tough.
there was quite a bit of repression after that but i’ll save that for another rant lol
anyways, thank god for
. i’m sad that it took me a while to figure out but i’m glad it happened when it did
with all the privacy that i’ve had with my partner away i…
…cried endlessly for two days while watching Wandering Son.
why tf did i tell my doctor the effect i wanted most out of hrt was more feelings?? this shit’s too much (jk crying is euphoric)
it’s been like 5 years since i’ve wanted a tattoo and I still can’t decide on what to get
i’m thinking something on my leg…
completely agree. i’ve seen some of the worst hate speech in some comments and i’m so much more sensitive about it now too
yeah… sometimes i have a bit of a problem with hate watching brainwormy shit which becomes a feedback loop
anyways, trying to improve. might try to get in contact with some irl friends since my partner will be gone for a week. honestly probably just need some
a second uninstall has hit tiktok
reason being
i really thought that if i carefully curated my algo then i could avoid the shit that burnt me out in the first place.
while there’s so many trans users on there i’ll miss seeing, the feed equally rewards engaging in content that I like and dislike. end result being a fuck-tonne of radfems talking mad shit about anyone that’s not a cis-white woman. the general uptick in 4b bullshit (australian state media even had a fucking article about it) isn’t helping that either…
so i think the healthiest thing for me to do rn is to just disengage
imma try to work past my lifelong posting anxiety and lurk less, i have gay takes that must be heard
others may have better advice but I can relate to the solution-oriented part. I generally try to just balance it out: too much dysphoria? not enough euphoria. then i go and do something that makes me feel pretty (whilst not looking in a mirror) like painting my nails
dysphoric episodes suck, I hope you feel better soon
17·1 month ago
seeing China’s W’s, maybe we need more corporate commies
i really like Rural Internet - BREAKING UP
drugs
lesbian
two cats
a lot of weed
did i write this?but sounds like a lovely time, how is Spain?
the girl vibing will stop for no one!!!
oh when you say it improved sleep, were the issues present pre-E+antiandrogen or after? i’ve been using weed to help with insomnia for years (with t breaks) but it’s stopped helping as of late and i didn’t really consider hormone changes
either way, sounds like i’m adding a few more reasons to give it a go at least