I was a little surprised by the American politician/journalist/official’s appearance. They weren’t wearing military fatigues wet with the blood of innocents, with a smoking rifle in their hands and stolen natural resources in their backpack.
As we all know, US generals are functionally indistinguishable from Rust players.
Confused when I was confronted with my American counterpart, who was not covered with grease stains and did not have a burger in either hand, nor loose fitting jeans barely clasped at the waist by a thin leather belt with a buckle the size of a small dog.
might as well be
Obligatory “please apply this writing style to the west” moment:
I had half expected to see a stiff and upright colonel of the kind I used to meet in the RAF, lips covered by a drooping mustache, mouth dripping with tea, constantly muttering ‘wot wot wot’ after everything he said.
THE YANKEE SPOKESMAN was right on time for our meeting. I was a little surprised by his appearance; I had half expected to see a loud cowboy of the kind I used to meet in Texas—mouth occupied by a cigar, a wide-brimmed hat adorning his head and a revolver in his belt. Instead, Matthew Miller was a neat-looking fellow in a European-style business suit and a purple tie. He kept a physical distance as he greeted me, his manner arrogant but formal, as if to register that his country was unassailable.
mouth occupied by a cigar, a wide-brimmed hat adorning [their] head and a revolver in [its] belt.
I feel so seen
Sickos for Hexbear American Ministry of Foreign Affairs Spokesperson!
I am glad that the only qualifications were “sunburns easily”, “nicotine-addicted”, and “wheelguns, more like realfuns”
where is the big fluffy hat and red outfit??
NGL, I’d respect our politicians and diplomats more if they all dressed like the Scarlet Pimpernel
My biggest disappointment with Chinese social media is that whenever I try to do this they start calling me a racist.
I fuckin’ love this new strategy they use where they say something along the lines of
"I was expecting some sort of racist stereotype when i met <blank>, but they were actually a normal like me!"as if it proves how cultured they are that they’re willing to admit they were wrong even if they’re also admitting they’re absolutely fucking racisti would’ve cut that if i was their editor but at least it’s coming from a previous meeting with someone? absolutely deranged thing to write for publication.
Thing is this isn’t new, this kind of crap dates back to when TERF Island was an empire, if not earlier
it’s the honorary aryan thing, but one degree subtler
Look, we all have expectations regarding appearance before we meet something. It’s a fact of human socialization.
…you don’t need to put it in your article. Especially if it’s like this.
Its one thing to have expectations. Its another thing to express open shock at the lack of sepia filter and distant yodeling call to prayer when confronted by a person from the Middle East IRL.
Flashback to when Jeremy Corbyn started wearing a suit and tie when he was polling high for PM and British liberals freaked out because it meant Corbyn was “getting serious”
These people are like trained seals. They see a person in formal business attitire and they clap
Ah, the classic.
kill this man he’s ambitious
I think there’s like 3 British outlets that show the picture of the writer next to the headline. They’re my favorite because the headline will be some of the most asinine or ghoulish shit imaginable and right next to it is the author’s dumbass mug staring as if it’s waiting for your approval
This rocks so much. People try so fucking hard to be hateable. It’s new and surprising every time.
It’s too bad the “hoodie and jeans politician” is fukken Fetterman. Casual wear deserves better.
fetterman is the the hoodie and basketball shorts politician thank you very much
jeans are still up for grabs I think, along with t-shirts
Oh shit, that could be me
How do I run for office?
You sell your soul to the Devil (Amerikkka)
Once we spread democracy to China, the government will include Two Women and One Cup
There are only three types of journalists hired by mainstream newspapers:
- The stenographer - just copies and pastes press releases
- The high school graduate - literal 19 year-old, but could easily pass for a 16 year-old with those writing skills
- The racist - only reads newspapers from a century ago; yes, he still thinks the Soviet Union exists
The khaki correspondent - Will travel to exotic sepia-toned countries. Here he will stand on safe distance to atrocities and repeat the US state department line.
4 the nepo baby who can afford not to earn a reasonable salary, so he trades his time for social cachet, and his friends now dominate the industry
With the way the American education system is, the 19 y.o. with the writing skills of a 16 y.o. is probably the top of his class
how else do you think he beat the 863 other applicants for his unpaid internship?
When I met the German spokesman I was surprised to see he was not wearing Lederhosen, a Pickelhaube and a swastika armband, nor was he goose-stepping, racing his Audi down the autobahn or stuffing his face with sausages.
I’ve never read an article describing what it was like to interview someone that didn’t sound like the author jerking off in literature format.
Idk when this trend started but it needs to stop. There are fanfics that are better.
Kinda lucky he wasn’t expecting meeting a woman or half the paragraph would be about how he expected the bounce of her breast were.
as she reached her hand out to shake mine, her breasts bounced boobily
She was sexy and she didn’t even know it
They all think they’re the current Hunter S Thompson.
Ugh the current intro to Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72 was written by Matt Taibbi and exalts the book for exactly this reason. I was reading it and screaming “shut up! None of you will ever be this cool!” In my head the whole time
I took a multimedia class and learned that a NYT article called Snow Fall popularized using multimedia in the the long form Journalism genre.
I don’t know who popularized long form journalism itself, but I’ve had multiple instances where I tried to look up information about an ongoing mass shooting and the front page is just articles detailing some guy’s daily routine getting interrupted by a shooting. Like motherfucker. Can you not wait until it’s over to do this shit. Or at least Google not push this shit to the front instead of to the point information about a killer.
I understand why cooking recipes do this shit now. Sure, part of it is SEO, but the other has to be pretentiousness
When I met with the Japanese ambassador, I was surprised to find that he did not carry two swords, and not once did he behead a subordinate for making a minor mistake in protocol. We also sat at a table and ate apsta instead of kneeling on bamboo mats to be served sushi by a master chef (also beheaded afterwards for having a grain of rice out of place)
I think the Japanese ambassador actually gifted a samurai sword to Ukraine shortly after the invasion lol
Oh no it’s worse than that
Their propaganda is so fucking trash 💀 they lie about the dumbest shit. They should thank orthodox Jesus for making westerners so stupid
While Russia studied the economics of an invasion, he studied the blade
"When I met the señor from Mexico I expected him to be wearing a poncho with a Sombrero perched jauntily upon his head, chest crossed with bullet-laden bandoliers, leading a burro - their word for “donkey.”
Instead of a hearty “¡Hola!” he simply shook my hand and said “hello” and and welcomed me to “Buenos Aires.” I replied “No espeak-oh Spanish-oh.” I looked in my Spanish/English dictionary later on and concluded he was saying something about this being a non-smoking area."
I’m a carpet fitter from Buenos Aires and I say underlay underlay!
wow
Expected
but got 
instead.a non smoking area? in argentina?
what is this fantasy
“When I shook the American spokesman’s hand, I was surprised that it was not covered in burger grease.”
This will never be written because their hand would indeed be covered in burger grease
dude’s WHITE white
Sir, can you clarify what you mean by ‘pseudo-arabist’ and how that relates to your comments here
im sure its nothing racist
He’s watched aladdin 5 times and Lawrence of Arabia twice and the 2nd time he only fell asleep for the last 15 min
I wanted to give the guy a benefit of the doubt but once again, Yakub is proven right.
i think it means this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pseudo-Kufic
so he likes to doodle in a way that he thinks looks vaguely like arabic script
Dude looks like he would turn red and melt if you ever gave him food spicier than a carrot.
ZEE GOGGLES ZAY DO NOTHING!
The Emperor of the united state was right on time for our meeting. I was a little surprised by his appearance; I had half expected to see a demented Klansman of the kind I used to meet in the united state—mouth drooling with burger grease, a stained wifebeater over his shoulders and a pepsi bottle in his belt. Instead, Joe Brandon was a creepy fellow in a Wehrmacht blazer and a button-down shirt. He kept a physical distance as he greeted me, his manner restrained but ready, as if he will jump on my neck if I looked away for one second
As if to sniff your hair if you looked away for one second
least racist westerner
AtKlantic writers when middle easterners wear shirts and don’t bring weapons to interviews
Why would you post this on a public website when you could just not
