Hi gay I’m dad.

stop making sense? one of my favorite movies ever

Gotta get gud at those 360 MLG no scope self-actualisation skillz

Got any pics of your painted miniatures?

apply to gradschool

for theater?

Good luck getting Vyvanse lol.

So if you want to know the low-down on the Vyvanse shortage it’s because Takeda, the pharma corp that previously held the patent over Vyvanse, had the patent expire early this year (Feb I think.)

The DEA strictly controls stimulant meds and their precursors in the US.

Takeda happens to produce Vyvanse in the US through it’s American arm.

This time around, instead of the DEA providing its usual allocation of Vyvanse precursor entirely to Takeda (which I believe happens around every October) as has been the case since it came into manufacturing, the allocation has been divided across multiple pharmaceutical corporations who are producing generic Vyvanse as well as some going to Takeda, although significantly less than what they got this time last year.

The only problem is that to establish manufacturing processes, stock levels, and the necessary distribution chains for a strictly controlled substance like Vyvanse isn’t easy. So essentially there’s about the same Vyvanse to go around as there was last year but due to manufacturing and supply chain issues there’s currently a global shortage.

All of this boils down to the razor-sharp efficiency in the market as it awkwardly staggers its way through producing multiple facsimiles of already-existing manufacturing processes and supply chains that are so similar they might as well be identical.

God bless capitalism! May the immaculate rationality of the market touch us all!

That sounds stupid. (this is a joke)

Don’t stop with just red meat, ditch animal abuse entirely

alpine salad bar

Stretching is mine too. We’ll only get older so might as well start sooner.

Hey I kinda did it! ADHD?

Thank you for the response. I appreciate it and understand about the application.

I did leave an angry comment on that one post you mentioned though. Which was mostly me being annoyed about the situation already. I think ill delete it after writing this.

But i do think Venus’s reply was out of line for the situation at hand. Sharing new years resolutions among ND users, and someone shares that theyre giving up red meat, a net good for themselves and the world, and Venus chimes in that thats not good enough?

Dietary changes are very difficult for a lot of autistic people in the best of circumstances. I think it was inappapropriate for the context.

I personally dont have problems with limited pallete, just with habit changing.

Was this just saying the same stuff context said?

I think it’s mostly that I’m incredibly lonely and I feel like such a fucking weirdo that I don’t fit anywhere I go and any sort of sense of belonging is entirely alien to me. I feel like an outsider even here. I don’t really know how to form deep relationships with human beings and it haunts me.

I am by no means an expert. What cued me were feelings of guilt around certain stimming activities and the fact that I have very different voices in different spheres of my life. That indicated to me that my performance was just that. That realization coupled with my partner who has a much higher degree of autism consciousness led me to critically reflect on my behaviors. For instance, my most natural voice sounds a lot like many offensive caricatures of autistic people in media so I learned early on to mask it.

If you feel lost or repressed, I would consider reflecting or meditating on why you feel that way instead of looking at the framework of masking prescriptively. All of these concepts only really work when they resonate or feel descriptive. Whatever you find will aid you in self-understanding.

If you’re late diagnosed/late self-identifying then it’s really common to feel this way.

I experienced a lot of childhood trauma and a metaphor of unearthing has always resonated a lot more with me than anything else, and this applies to unmasking as well - rather than it being a distinct “real me” behind a facade, I feel like my adult life has been like an archaeological dig site where I gradually removed the dirt to uncover what has always existed below the surface (i.e. the trauma and the masking) and the more I uncover, the more I can put the pieces together and the more coherent or integrated it all becomes over time.

An example here is that I might be extremely people-pleasing due to the circumstances I grew up in but beneath that is a strong sense of justice and an ability to assert myself in situations where there is injustice. Learning what that sense of justice is, what drives it, how it speaks to me etc. and separating that out from under the layers of people-pleasing (re)connects me to my “true self” (hate that term but for shorthand it’ll have to do rn) and strengthens my sense of self and guides how I interact with the world, especially other people.

I guess in short, if it feels like there’s nothing behind the mask, then it might be better to think about it in terms of discovery/rediscovery of the self.

Introduction
Kill the cop in your head! Seek to understand for yourself why you do what you do. Redefine what is necessary behavior. So with masking, I reflected and realized I did it to feel safe and acceptable in 4 spheres: 1) the occupational sphere, 2) the general public (i.e. the store, about town), 3) with friends, 4) with myself. After a lot of reflection and with support from my partner, I was able to realize that I was extending the constraints of the most limiting sphere (#1) to all of the others. That is to say, I was more regulated than necessary to meet my desire for safety. To be more straightforward, I was able to see I could still feel safe and accepted when I unmasked. For me, that was the precondition.

Why Unmask
Extended metaphors and schema work really well for me. Overall I view my energy as bandwidth that is allocated to different thought processes, stressors, and the like. Certain things passively consume bandwidth. For instance, I have a physical disability that occupies about 5% of my bandwidth at all times, and more when I am managing it poorly. Or when i have many upcoming obligations but no calendar, I use bandwidth trying to keep my schedule in mind. Bandwidth not used passively is what is available for productive work, hobbies, interests, spirituality, presence and immediacy, creativity. Too much passive use creates a stress response in my body—this also uses up bandwidth and is a positive feedback loop. Consequently, I seek to minimize my passive bandwidth usage.

And masking uses up a lot of passive bandwidth! I joke and call it ‘my affect chip’. Like I have different voices and personas for different settings. Some of them are even fun to inhabit. However, I do not need to be using that bandwidth up all of the damn time, especially when I am alone, with lovers, with friends. Letting go of masking in certain spheres has made my life overall more manageable, more pleasant, and has allowed me to be more present. Like there is a positive feedback loop with my overwhelm response, there has been a positive feedback loop with unmasking. Since I have more energy with myself, I am more present with myself and better able to handle disruptions and challenges; i.e. I am more resillient. It also leads to cute moments like last night where I woke up to get some water, walked into my clean kitchen, got excited that it was finally clean, and didn’t repress myself from stimming like I did as a child when I was excited! I noticed what I was doing and that I felt very little shame about it, and that made me feel even better.

How do you do it, unmasking?

1. Determine why you mask, what need or desire is fulfilled by masking. For instance: safety (avoiding bullying), ability to meet expectations of employment context (still a safety need since capitalism necessitates work for survival), aesthetics, beauty standards, etc.
2. Determine if the same need is present in all spheres in which you mask. For instance: Work, General Public, Family, Political Org, Distant Friends/Group Settings, Close Friends, Intimates, Self.
3. Determine whether or what degree of masking is actually necessary to fulfill your needs. If you found multiple needs, especially if needs that necessitate masking are different between contexts, it is necessary to find the degree of masking you feel is necessary for each need-context pair.
4. Determine what your masking behaviors are. Determine what needs they address or may be intended to address. Note: this will probably occur organically throughout this whole reflection. This step may be placed prior to step 3, too, depending on what feels constructive.
5. Determine what masking behaviors are actually necessary in each context, and be liberated from the ones that are not. Most of the progress will come from this step, but the others are necessary for it to be effective.

Conclusion
Even if fully unmasking feels unsafe and unacceptable, we can normalize and embrace our beautiful selves internally and make more space for ourselves in our own lives. Kill the cop in your head and liberate your mind!