• chaogomu@kbin.social
      1532·
      11 months ago

      There might be a link between the bans from dating apps and the “not been in a long-term relationship”…

    • OneOrTheOtherDontAskMe@lemmy.world
      426·
      11 months ago

      My wife’s best friend has been banned a couple times and is waiting to appeal her tinder ban again.

      Although often justifiable based on the ways these guys have acted/spoke to her, it’s usually because she’s super ruthless in her response. A guy got mad she wasn’t interested in just being a booth call after she said she’s there for dates too, said she was after a free meal (paying hadn’t come up yet, and she always pays for herself unless a guy insists) and so she tore into him. And she’s brutal. Another had ghosted her after rescheduling on the date twice and saying stuff came up and that he’s busy (days after the fact, no check in or nothing) and so she told him that’s some horse shit and that he’s a little bitch that needs to get his life in order if he’s gonna stand somebody up twice after begging for a second chance.

      She definitely could be nicer sometimes, but from what I’ve read from her it’s no different than how I see a lot of dudes talk on there, I think those guys just got their feelings hurt more than standard tinder girls do.

      • Fosheze@lemmy.worldEnglish
        439·
        11 months ago

        So someone who can’t control their temper got banned. The system works.

        • Illecors@lemmy.cafeEnglish
          933·
          11 months ago

          I don’t see where the temper is lost there. I can say your reading comprehension is non-existant at best, or you simply can’t read at worst; none of that would be uncontrolled temper. It is very much pointing things out without sugarcoating.

          • Fosheze@lemmy.worldEnglish
            222·
            11 months ago

            and so she tore into him. And she’s brutal.

            If you’re “tearing into” people on a dating app then you have no business being on dating apps. I’ve definitely been ghosted and shit talked on dating apps and I haven’t ever snapped at someone over it. If you’re not mature enough to just block (and report if applicable) and move on then you should not be on dating apps. “Tearing into” people over dating app BS tells me that this is someone who can’t control their temper.

            • Socsa@sh.itjust.works
              7·
              11 months ago

              Yeah it’s a bit amusing because for most guys this is just the default dating app experience. After wading through six layers of bots and catfish you finally match a real person who isn’t outwardly insane or like missing three limbs, and then they just unmatch an hour before the date with no explanation.

            • arin@lemmy.worldEnglish
              61·
              11 months ago

              This is also from the biased viewpoint from the sister’s best friend, a lot worse objectively

          • InfiniteStruggle@sh.itjust.works
            171·
            11 months ago

            I don’t know man, I think temper is having the self control to consider your words BEFORE they fall out of your mouth, modifying it to take into account the circumstance and the recipient and all that, and THEN saying it.

            In your example it would depend if your friend was being mean in the heat of the moment, or deliberately deciding to be so brutal. Either way, your friend doesn’t sound like a very nice person to be around.

            • Illecors@lemmy.cafeEnglish
              8·
              11 months ago

              Oh, it’s not my friend. I’m just a lemmy passer by :)

              All I’m saying is - being an asshole does not have a prerequisite of losing your temper. On top of that - some people ask for it.

              In OP’s example the other side is wasting time. That is one thing I do not tolerate.

              As to people not being nice - what about the time waster? Is he nice? Is it nice? I feel like people are sticking to words too much and actions too little.

              • Ookami38@sh.itjust.works
                3·
                11 months ago

                Well, being an asshole doesn’t mean you lost your temper, no, but it does mean you’re an asshole, which might be worse. I’d rather be around someone who’s only an ass when they’re upset vs all the time. From the OP, would I personally have banned her, no probably not, but we also don’t know what words were actually spoken from either side. My guess is that it was a bit spicier than portrayed if she’s been banned twice

    • Clbull@lemmy.world
      8·
      11 months ago

      I used to go to school with a lady that was perma banned from Tinder last year. My guess is she replied to creepy/perverted messages with enough hostility that they yeeted her straight off the platform.

    • Ookami38@sh.itjust.works
      71·
      11 months ago

      In all honesty I’ve gotten banned from a couple. Turns out they don’t usually take account security super seriously. Stop using it for a bit, and suddenly it’s sending out obvious scam bait messages lol

    • Polyester6435@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      42·
      11 months ago

      You can also get banned from dating apps for not using them the way the app wants you to. For example not messaging people back or not swiping right enough on tinder.

    • cro_magnon_gilf@sopuli.xyz
      2·
      11 months ago

      I’ve literally been asking that question. A lot of people never get to know why they’re banned.

      Match Group owns the biggest ones, and sometimes people seem to get banned from all of them at once.

      But Google Play Store also disallows installing dating apps for some people. Very unclear why, because there’s no official word on them doing it.

      Maybe it’s for legitimate reasons, but given these companies dominance, I find it disconcerning.

    • Skyline969@lemmy.caEnglish
      43·
      11 months ago

      Seriously. You need to really try to get banned from a dating app, let alone apps plural.

  • Szymon@lemmy.caEnglish
    725·
    11 months ago

    I’m sure there are countless social or personal reasons for it, but kids having kids without being taught responsibility or how life works means you get a lot of unfortunate children growing up who were never taught about making plans and goals in life, nor are they provided resources to be successful past childhood when you’re just expected to exist and nobody gives a flying fuck about you.

    • JustMy2c@lemm.ee
      11·
      11 months ago

      I uploaded a single photo that showed my clothed body and my smile, but not my nose/eyes. DONE BLOCKED ZZZ

      I told a lady I was not interested in a non attacking way (mentioning I was not over my ex yet and needed some more time) DONE BLOCKED ZZZ

  • FrostyTheDoo@lemmy.world
    111·
    11 months ago

    Methinks the last item on the list might be somehow affecting the others…but certainly life is just hell for this guy and there’s nothing that can be done but type about it

  • Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee
    3·
    11 months ago

    It’s actually quite an impressive feat to fuck your life up that badly. This person has absolutely nothing going for them whatsoever.

  • PeWu@lemmy.ml
    2·
    11 months ago

    Ooh, I have 5/9. Four more to go!

    Edit: apparently I can’t read and count

    • LotrOrc@lemmy.world
      373·
      11 months ago

      If you’re getting banned from dating apps you might wanna take a look at yourself and what you’re saying or doing

    • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
      61·
      11 months ago

      If they don’t have a license that’s a problem that they made, if they don’t have a job that’s probably because they drink too much and are unreliable (that may also be why they don’t have a license) and if they are an alcoholic that’s probably their core problem.

      All of anons issues are their own, it’s not society’s fault they’re in this situation. Although I am sure they would not agree.

      • pinkdrunkenelephants@lemmy.world
        3·
        11 months ago

        Not having a license isn’t actually an issue; you can save a lot of money by not driving a car.

        This guy is probably just depressed and the lack of sympathy and support from others is only exacerbating and perpetuating the problem. People like him need love and support from external sources to be able to heal their inner wounds and fix their problems.

        Life stuff like what he’s listing is never the actual source of the problem.

    • 768@sh.itjust.works
      171·
      11 months ago

      This person is not even among the unemployed reservation, so how is this about capitalism?

      • WaxedWookie@lemmy.world
        85·
        11 months ago

        They have no value to capitalism other than raw, unskilled, undifferentiated labour and consumption. They are nothing but the grease that gets mashed into the gears of the machine.

        I think humans are worth more than that, and OP’s framing.

        • 768@sh.itjust.works
          92·
          11 months ago

          Please read the post. It says no job, no education. Person likely has mental illnesses, this is not about economics. The situation is political, sure, but this is not the best place to unionise.

          They are nothing but the grease that gets mashed into the gears of the machine.

          Ok, poet.

          • WaxedWookie@lemmy.world
            31·
            11 months ago

            Do you image that a comfortable existence for those that you assume are mentally ill isn’t gated behind economic decisions?

            Who is talking about unions?

          • WaxedWookie@lemmy.world
            15·
            11 months ago

            People have no value beyond what the market dictates?

            This baby is crawling in front of me? No value, no point in stepping around it - Guess I’ll stomp its skull into the pavement.

            This is deeply unhinged, and you should be institutionalised before you kill people.

            • curiousaur@reddthat.com
              31·
              11 months ago

              No, this banned from dating apps, which means at best misogynist, at worst rapist, trash of a 30-something year old man is worthless. Babies are precious, what on earth motivated you to make that comparison?

              • WaxedWookie@lemmy.world
                22·
                11 months ago

                So someone’s worth is defined by their adherence to Tinder’s TOS? This is all you’re basing this assessment on?

                Shall we put autists in camps for missing social cues and making people feel uncomfortable too?

                Maybe they’re mysoginistic, maybe they’re a rapist… or maybe they’re awkward, and had shit opportunities/parents - you can’t know, and to rush to write them off like that seems pretty bloodthirsty.

          • WaxedWookie@lemmy.world
            1·
            11 months ago

            The full quote is

            You must be either the servant or the master, the hammer or the anvil.

            Surely there was no reason to hide the argument that servants and masters are a necessity in advancement of the point you’re outsourcing to someone that died over 300 years ago in defence today’s economic structure?

            • MindSkipperBro12@lemmy.world
              12·
              11 months ago

              We still heed the advices of Adam Smith, Henry George, Karl Marx, etc. What’s so different about an Enlightenment writer?

              • WaxedWookie@lemmy.world
                1·
                11 months ago

                Noone was citing those figures, but Marx saw the industrial revolution, at least. We take what’s relevant, and dismiss what isn’t - implying Voltaire was smart, so we should uncritically agree with everything he wrote is unhinged.

                Would you rather defend the necessity of the master/servant model, or concede that the argument you outsourced is irrelevant pre-industrial nonsense?

              • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
                1·
                11 months ago

                We don’t heed the works of Karl Marx though do we? Even if you are that way politically inclined it’s called Postmarxist now. Because Karl Marks was frankly insane.

                It’s the same reason we don’t really pay much attention to anything that Sigmund Freud came up with. All of it has either being subsequently discredited, or was never really taken seriously to begin with.

        • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
          22·
          11 months ago

          Nice strawman argument but this guy is a loses loser. All the basement dwellers look down on him and say oh look at him he’s pathetic.

          It’s not capitalism’s fault that this guy can’t get his life in order.

          • pinkdrunkenelephants@lemmy.world
            2·
            11 months ago

            It literally doesn’t even matter; he’s looking for sympathy and support which he has the right to seek out regardless of who is responsible.

            So you can choose to quibble over who should bear the blame for his problems or you can console him like you’re supposed to be doing.

          • WaxedWookie@lemmy.world
            32·
            11 months ago

            They can’t deliver value in this system, so they have no worth, and should suffer and starve to death?

            Access to socialised education and housing seems like it would give them the opportunity to be of more value to society, no?

    • Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee
      2·
      11 months ago

      How are shareholders making money off an alcoholic NEET? Apart from him buying the cheapest possible booze they can get their hands on, obviously.

      • WaxedWookie@lemmy.world
        1·
        11 months ago

        They get labour at poverty rates under threat of homelessness and starvation, and a hungry mouth to create (limited) demand for goods.