Something about there being a record of what I said that can be checked and rechecked as many times as wanted gives me mad anxiety. Like they can analyse just how weird I talk. With a phonecall, all that remains is memory, and that makes people way more inclined to give me the benefit of the doubt.
Sometimes I take half a day considering just how to address and sign an email. There’s such intricate expectations there and no cues from them that would allow me to adjust as needed. It’s just guessing with zero clues. At least when I get an immediate response to anything I say I can adjust as I go and kind of match their tone.
Don’t get me wrong, I find calls stressful too, but at least the stressing is over when it’s done. It’s more of a ripping the band-aid off kind of stress. The barrier of actually doing it is higher, but at least i can’t really spend all day putting my energy into it as I do with an email.
Something about there being a record of what I said that can be checked and rechecked as many times as wanted gives me mad anxiety. Like they can analyse just how weird I talk. With a phonecall, all that remains is memory, and that makes people way more inclined to give me the benefit of the doubt.
I figure I’m not so important for people to be analyzing an email multiple times just to judge my emailing skills. If I’m a weirdo they’ll think “man, that was kinda weird” and forget about it
I generally prefer emails over phone calls because with phone calls I can be put on the spot and if I’m tired or having a bad day then I can’t always respond effectively. Emails ensure that I can’t get overwhelmed in the middle of an important conversation.
This is what I always hear everyone say! It makes sense, but sort of don’t work that way
Not everybody has the same stressors or needs and hence won’t have the same coping techniques. Nothing wrong with that. The important thing is that you’ve identified an approach that works for you.
You’ve put it so well, this was really helpful. Thank you!
I guess I kind of wanted to find people who relate so I don’t invalidate myself, but what you said already helps against self-invalidation!
You’re welcome! I can certainly empathise with wanting to find people who have the same experience. If it helps at all, whilst I don’t experience the struggle you do with composing emails, another person I know definitely does. Don’t know if they prefer phone calls, though.
I’m the same. I need time to process and phone calls with customers stress me.
But I also have this weird thing where I’ll suddenly become very scared to check my email for weeks or even months.
I prefer to recieve emails. Not to judge your language, but because I cannae remember anything longer than maybe a ½ hour. Anything important for me must be able to be referenced later.
Sometimes I take half a day considering just how to address and sign an email.
I can definitely relate. It also takes a lot longer to craft an email to contain all the relevant information. If you miss something, that’s potentially several hours or days of back and forth to get everything sorted out and plus the need to context switch each time. If you do a phone call, the context switching happens once and it gives you the freedom to go “I need help but I don’t know exactly how to describe the problem or what information you need” and the other party can help fill in the blanks for you.
Im not autistic that I know of but I like email because I can find things I may have forgotten. I like audio calls for things where its necessary but in the work world those are recorded and transcripts are auto created where I have worked. I hate texting unless its a chat application on a computer. Ugh honestly I hate email on a device. I guess I mostly just like doing things from a PC of somekind.
What if the other party is recording the phone call? Which would you prefer in that scenario?
Are you trying to give me anxiety?
I’m really not; I was just genuinely curious.
After I got better (still stuff to be good at) with other people, if I know that people is some that is difficult I prefer video call or physical meeting.
When writing/reading email with someone that is difficult it’s like you say, one needs to spend a lot time.
For small easy stuff email or teams.
If I’m trying to work through a problem, then yes, a call is better. It lets the thoughts flow and you’ve got someone else there to help fill in any blanks.
It also takes me forever to write emails. That said, if I’m discussing something work related with someone higher on the crab bucket, I am 100% going the email route. All that time and effort I’m putting into exact wording and tone? That’s gonna be on record, and it’s gonna be to my benefit. As are the vague one-sentence replies (if any) by management. I’m sorry, you’re asking why project X is on fire? Here’s 6 months and 5000 words of documentation, of which your contribution was, “ok.”
Believe me, I totally get where you’re coming from. I just had to learn the hard way that I needed to weaponize my literary elephantitis as a way of self defense.
Depends on the urgency.
