I know you’re out there! If you’re part of /c/TransLater, make yourself heard!
Maybe some questions will help.
Tell us your name and where are you from? Maybe a bit about yourself
What do you enjoy spending your time on?
How have things been going as you navigate the combination of “Trans” and “Later” in your life?
What’s a question you have for other folk in the sub?
Hi all. Thorn here - (they/any). I just turned 41 a couple weeks ago.
These days I’m spending most of my time preparing to move (GTFO of Georgia). But my mental cycles revolve around creating federated community services, so surprisingly only just now getting into the fediverse.
I think I’ve been navigating transition in the suburbs of the Bible Belt relatively well. Hardest thing for me might be that most other gender diverse folks I locally come across my age or older are still very binary in their thinking of gender. So we have difficulty relating to each other. But younger folks have welcomed me plenty.
For questions, are there places in the fediverse I should definitely be finding my way to?
Welcome!
Glad to have you here. This community isn’t very busy, but, there are a couple of more active communities.
And if they’re of relevance to you, there is also a trans masc and trans fem community
Hi, I’m (provisionally - I haven’t really decided yet) Pip from the UK, mid-30s. I had my “egg crack” moment a few years ago right at the start of the pandemic and I’ve been waiting for an appointment with a UK gender service for 4 years until I finally got my first appointment the other week.
I’ve been in self denial this whole time, tried to ignore things, push it all to the back and it is clear that isn’t a healthy approach, it isn’t something that will “go away” by itself.
I have a second appointment coming up in a few weeks where I will potentially get an actual diagnosis of dysphoria or incongruence and finally get some help. However the first appointment made it really clear I have an awful long way to go with self acceptance.
I’ve tried joining a few trans communities but, and this isn’t meant to be an insult to anyone - I’m happy they are comfortable in expressing themselves, I find it really hard to relate to all the uwu, catgirl, eepy stuff to the point where it makes me feel uncomfortable. Not in a judgemental way, it is clearly related to my own lack of self-acceptance and my self hatred but at times it makes me feel like it isn’t serious, other times it makes me feel like an outsider and makes me question myself even more.
I’m really looking for a group to have a slightly more mature discussion with, as fun as the memes and the “femcel” stuff is I just want to feel and speak in a way I’m more accustomed to.
Welcome, and congrats on navigating NHS!
As for navigating trans culture, it can be quite alienating sometimes as an older trans person who grew up with a very different exposure to gender diversity. But what you’re seeing are the new generations, navigating gender diverse identities, but with more freedom than you or I were ever afforded. We missed out on our own queer culture, because it mostly wasn’t allowed to exist, and when it did, it existed on the terms of a queerphobic society. The folk following us aren’t free from that queerphobia either, but they’re less defined and constrained by it.
I think all we can do is try and be happy that we have a culture at all, even if it’s sometimes an odd fit for those of us that predate it
Thank you, I don’t think I meant for it to sound quite as bitter or judgy but yes, there is absolutely an element of jealousy in that they have a freedom of expression that was just never acceptable to us. I’m happy it exists even if I do struggle to relate to it.
Hey, I’m 42. Over the years I’ve thought many things about myself: that I’m trans, born in the wrong body, but that this is just a kink and that I can cope with it via crossdressing, that this is just a phase that goes away… well, I am sure you know that by now, that I was wrong. This feeling does not go away, and I’m contemplating how to face the dilemma to coming out of the closet.
I’ve found that I’ve internalized a lot of homophobia through the society I’m living in, through my upbringing and through my childhood traumas. Recently I’ve started finding ways to accept myself, and strangely to me lately, “sissy hypnos” (not the clearly porn one, but the affirmating ones) really helped. I’m still in the beginning of this process, and lately I care much less about labels, and look forward more to what kind of life I want to live. Any help or insight with that is appreciated.
I also cheer for anybody who can bravely come out and say that they are trans woman. I hope that I reach that stage one day.
I also cheer for anybody who can bravely come out and say that they are trans woman.
Well, you are, and I see you :)
hi, im bbee (she/it/they) i didn’t transition super late in life, at age 24. i now feel age 30 quickly approaching so i feel like this is a valuable space for me to participate in 😊 regardless of my age, this feels like a positive place and i want as much trans joy on my front page as possible! i’m excited to hear from all the interesting and beautiful people who end up here <3
Hi everybody! I’m Valerie, (I did a whole intro over on Transfem if you want to check that out), I’m 41, be 42 in a few months, I’m in the U.S. originally from one of the not great states. I live in Colorado now though, actually about to move cities here at the end of the month for a new job. And, I’m pretty reserved at first, I like to take in a situation and people through observation quietly when you first meet me. However, once I get to know folks, I am usually joyful and VERY talkative. (As will become obvious if you know me, I’m prone to being long winded. It’s a problem. I’ve had to learn through great personal difficulty how and when to be concise.)
I’m a teacher so obviously I love working with students, seeing them grow and learn and just be their amazing selves! In my free time, I love to read so, I do a lot of that. I just finished Andy Weir’s Hail Mary, before that The Book Thief, Ursula K. Le Guin’s The Dispossessed, The Word for World is Forest, The Left Hand of Darkness, Lisa Klein’s Ophelia, The Priory of the Orange Tree, Hood Feminism, and I could keep going but you probably get the idea. I also really enjoy video games, please don’t judge, and I have a Steam Deck, since GOG had a deal I bought the Yakuza series and have started my way through Yakuza 0, looking forward to playing through them all.
I feel like I’m navigating much better now. I left a prior teaching job the summer before my 40th birthday, knowing that they would not be comfortable with me transitioning, and tutored for about a year before the leadership their realized I was trans and dismissed me (though naturally that wasn’t the reason given.) I had really struggled this last year to find a new job and went through my savings, finally my parents had to help me out BUT, I got a new teaching position with an awesome and inclusive school, which I start at the end of this month. I’m very excited about pursuing this new opportunity in a new town where people will only ever know the real me, you know? 😁 It’s a lot so, ask me again next year and I may finally feel like I’ve gotten everything together. 😜
As for a question, hmm, well, I guess I’d like to know about other folks relationships, if they’re in one or not and if their partner(s) knew/met them before transition and how navigating those personal relationships have been, what challenges you all faced if any. Now, I get off light here since I’m single and have been for a quite awhile. (I knew I was trans long before I actually transitioned, even if I didn’t have the vocab for it early on.) I just didn’t think it was fair to a potential partner (or myself for that matter) to start seeing anyone while I was maintaining a false outward presentation and I’ve got so much else going on since starting transition, including transition itself that I’m just not in a place for a relationship yet. So, I think that wraps it all up. I’ve really loved hearing from folks on the fediverse already and I’m looking forward to talking with all you beautiful folks here on TransLater as well! 🥰
As a relationship anarchist, that gets complicated. My coming to non-monogamy in 2019 was a huge part of what brought me to questioning my views on relationships, sexuality, and gender.
I was married at the time, but we are divorcing now. That had nothing to do with her accepting my gender at least. She’s very pan, was the first person I came out to, and one of my biggest supporters.
A partner of mine just moved up to Colorado, and I will be following in a couple months. I have been deescalating with other folks of various levels of in enmeshment. One of them in the weird buffer zone between friend and romantic partner has known me since before transition. We stopped dating when I was still in the early stages of questioning. If anything, we’ve become closer since then. I’ve been really lucky to have surrounded myself with mostly understanding people.
As for a question, hmm, well, I guess I’d like to know about other folks relationships, if they’re in one or not and if their partner(s) knew/met them before transition and how navigating those personal relationships have been, what challenges you all faced if any
I was single at the time I transitioned 6 years ago, though I’m currently in a polycule. My partner is also a trans woman, and my metamour is a self described gender chaos gremlin :)
My biggest issues with relationships have been internal, as a navigate split attraction, as my romantic attraction doesn’t completely align with my physical attraction.
Ah, I hear you Ada. I’m dealing with my own internal struggles clearly but, I’m glad you brought up split attraction, as I’ve slowly realized that I feel the same way about my my own romantic versus sexual versus aesthetic/physical attraction. 🙄 I’m comforted that I’m not the only one wrestling with it. 🙂 Also, I’m glad to hear there’s some hope for me, though I’m not sure I could handle a polycule. 🥵 I tend to be a bit selfish or jealous, though given that I haven’t dated since I started transitioning, maybe I’ve grown.
I’ve been described as poly compatible long before being in a poly relationship. I’ve previously had partners with partners, and it brings me joy knowing that they can get things from their other partner(s) that I am not able to give them.
It’s also part of my split attraction, because though I can be romantically attracted to anyone, I tend to end up dating women, because women dating other women have a history with their own queer side that most men do not. Yet I am predominantly attracted to the physicality of men.
Well that’s really cool. As I said I tend to be a bit more selfish myself but, I can also see that I can’t and wouldn’t try to fulfill all of any potential partner’s needs, though I would think that they could find other ways of fulfilling them outside of another romantic/sexual partner. Again, I guess I’m just more reserved in my own (potential) relationships. However, as I said, I think it’s really cool that you and your partner(s) are able to be more open in that regard and do that in a way that’s fulfilling for all parties.
I find your description of your own attractions interesting. I personally a, exclusively romantically attracted to women. I’m (helpfully) also primarily aesthetically attracted to women. However, before figuring out that I was a woman myself, I thought I might be some other flavor of gay/queer and experimented a bit sexually with men. That was fairly hit and miss, mostly miss. Though I think I can say emphatically that I enjoy penis, I very rarely feel the same about the fellow attached to it. (I was never involved with other women like myself so I can’t say how much I’d enjoy that, though I tend to think a lot.) Jokingly, I’ve sometimes said to myself that “I don’t have a problem with dick, I have a problem with dudes.” But, I’ve found that’s not universally true. There have been a few men (read less than 5) who I’ve found both physically attractive and with whom I could imagine a pleasurable sexual relationship. Though all those men were (to my knowledge) heterosexual and most were involved with women so it was exclusively fantasy on my part and I still had no interest in a romantic relationship with any. I also haven’t ever been involved with anyone on the wider gender spectrum and don’t want to rule out any nonbinary, genderqueer, etc. folks simply for lack of experience. Even so, for simplicity sake I’ve sometimes labeled myself as a lesbian given my strong preference for other women in most arenas but, homoromantic bisexual is, while a bit more complex, much more accurate. Thank you for sharing your own experiences! I really enjoy learning about other people’s journeys and sharing mine.
Broadly speaking for me, romantically, I prefer openly queer partners and I want my relationships to be openly and proudly queer. However, as I’m a middle aged, post op cis passing trans woman, the men who are interested in dating me generally don’t give me that. They tend to be cis guys who want to downplay the whole trans thing, or trans guys who are happy to downplay the whole queer thing. As it is though, the people I find that want to be openly and proudly queer with me tend to be other women, so they are who I connect with the most
However, I’m more attracted to physical masculinity. Body hair, stubble, T powered body odour etc. My primary sexual attraction is to someone with a body like that who enjoys owning a body like that
I used to call myself straight, and preferentially date men, looking for the “complete package”, and whilst I’m still open to that, that search isn’t my priority. What I really want is the depth of a loving emotionally rich queer relationship, and so that’s what I prioritise, and that’s what I have now :)
Strictly speaking, I’m a panromantic heterosexual, but I just call myself queer these days and leave it at that
Awesome, I follow you, particularly the interest in and drive to be proudly openly queer. I hope that one day the “complete package” comes along for you but, I’m also overjoyed for you that you’re in a such a loving, rich and fulfilling relationship! 🥰
Hello everyone!
My name is Kate and I’m from New Zealand. I’m 46yo and pre everything. Still coming to terms with myself and in the process of coming out to friends. I don’t hate being a guy, but get so much gender euphoria being a woman.
I enjoy socialising & having a few drinks, doing bjj and mountain biking. Gotta do something to keep fit.
Things have gone way better than I expected. My wife and I have recently separated because of this, but she is very supportive anyway. Everyone that her and I have told, have been completely supportive and also the local trans community have been amazing. The “Later” part is odd I guess. I spent 44 years as a guy, so I wonder sometimes if I am trans or just curious. Like I feel I should have known years ago, so am I kidding myself. But then I play a scenario in my head - if my Dr told me I was a crossdresser and not transgender, how would I feel? And I found I would feel sad and disappointed I wasn’t a woman. Self doubt, argh.
I guess my question is: What is it about being a woman do you love the most?
For what it’s worth, I started at 41, and that was 7 years ago. We tend to start later at our age, because that’s what happens when you grew up in the transphobic environment we grew up in, with no visible role models or examples of people who had walked our path before us. Undoing a lifetime of that is a process that takes time. Even self acceptance doesn’t just remove decades of indoctrination. What it does is let you make a start on undoing it, which it sounds like you’re doing :)
I guess my question is: What is it about being a woman do you love the most?
I finally feel comfortable in my skin :)
- Tell us your name and where are you from? My name is Ada, I’m 47 and from Brisbane/Meanjin Australia
- What do you enjoy spending your time on? These days, I am spending lots of time on the fediverse. As a member and an admin. Trying to get more in to boardgames too
- How have things been going as you navigate the combination of “Trans” and “Later” in your life? Pretty good. I am 6 years in to transition now, and I feel like I was just trying to find the new “normal” in my life when covid came along and changed the definition of normal. So I think now, I might finally be ready to try and find it again :)
- What’s a question you have for other folk in the sub? I’m going to cheat and say this was that question for me :P
Hi, Im Rose. I live in america, one of the good states at least
Please do not ask my age, it is a sensitive subject thanks to trauma.
I am a self taught furry artist and author, but I also play games and watch youtube sometimes.
I am closeted irl out of anxiety and hate my severe dysphoria
Have you stayed hydrated and praised our patron deity Blåhaj yet?
