I’m honestly a little bit hesitant to ask this because don’t wanna seem like I’m stepping on toes.
So I’ve been doing some thinking stuff over the last few weeks/months and am starting to question shit.
I’ve always been cis male presenting and for the most part it’s all I’ve really known, but I’m not in the least bit masculine. Back in the early 00s, the term metro-sexual was a thing and I sort of identified with that but like, meh? Idk. Now that just feels chauvinistic for some reason.
Recently I’ve been thinking about my own gender identity and although I present as a male, I honestly don’t really care. I also have that autism(or is it just ND?) thing where I feel like a being or entity in a human suit basically. Like my inner self is controlling the body that people see me as, which is, of course male presenting.
I’ve been looking a bit into agender and demigender and hit some of the checkboxes but not really all, but I also don’t really know another term for essentially “male body but don’t care”. A reddit search brought up “gender apathy” and that’s a kind of maybe I guess.
The only other conclusion is that I am just cis, but fully aware of it maybe? Like I have a way wider understanding of gender and even sexuality than I did a decade ago so maybe I’m just cis and just not toxic about it? I’m just “woke” maybe?
I guess call this a journal-post but def open for discussion. I’m just going through some heavy mental exploration. I’m not sure if there is even a question here. Just me being confused.
I guess a question could be: how do you know? How do you know where you land on the gender spectrum? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill?
I went from cis by default to cis because I actually feel male on the inside. Some combination of getting older and getting more exercise flipped the switch. I’m not going to claim that’s universal in any way; I’m just confirming that gender feelings can change over time. Maybe in a few years you’ll do the same thing as me, or figure out you’re trans, or double down on agender, or still be where you’re at. All of those are fine as long as you’re happy with being there.
(I would recommend exercise for “being in a human suit” feelings though, I think getting in touch with your body as the part of you that translates your intents into actions is probably good for most people.)
I will say, when I was working out more, I wasn’t really questioning things as much and my depression was even somewhat under control(there really is some actual truth in that) but I can’t afford a gym membership. I currently have a very physical job so hoping that can count as exercise lol.
And yeah, I probably will dwell on this for a bit longer and figure out, if anything, a temporary answer, then come back to it. Part of my ASD is that I can tend to ruminate on idea and memories on and off for years(well my whole life really). I think it’s ok to come back and question it again since it’s really just a social construct. Maybe my agender lean/not caring is just an outward reflection of my pessimism and depression.
that may count as exercise medically/physically but emotionally/ psychologically I feel like a workout becomes more than that as a time and space to be in a different mode, whatever that means for you. It could be worth trying a basic at home exercise routine of simple things like squats (everyone should do squats squats are good) or even just stretches/ yoga if you’re into that.
Just a thought I had after reading this thread, I wish you luck comrade! ~
Appreciate it and thanks! Honestly I do probably need to actually do exercises. Maybe I’ll start walking in the morning instead of doomscrolling on my days off.