CW: chapter 2 contains a detailed description of child abuse by a parent

Hello comrades, it’s time for our second discussion thread for The Will to Change, covering Chapters 2 (Understanding Patriarchy) and 3 (Being a Boy). Thanks to everyone who participated last week, I’m looking forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts again. And if you’re just joining the book club this week, welcome!

In Ch.2 hooks defines patriarchy, how it is enforced by parental figures and society at large, and the struggle of antipatriarchal parents to raise children outside of these rigid norms when the border culture is so immersed in them. Ch.3 delves deeper into the effects of patriarchy on young boys and girls and the systemic apparatuses that reinforce gender norms.

If you haven’t read the book yet but would like to, its available free on the Internet Archive in text form, as well as an audiobook on Youtube with content warnings at the start of each chapter, courtesy of the Anarchist Audio Library, and as an audiobook on our very own TankieTube! (note: the YT version is missing the Preface but the Tankietube version has it)

As always let me know if you’d like to be added to the ping list!

Our next discussion will be on Chapters 4 (Stopping Male Violence) and 5 (Male Sexual Being), beginning on 12/11.

  • woodenghost [comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    15·
    14 days ago

    I felt inspired by chapter three to think about my own childhood. I could think of many little patriarchal “lessons”. This is just a selection of tiny incidents. I left out any bullying or the soul crushing inability to talk about feelings with my parents.

    • I was friends with two girls in kindergarden, but felt the expectation to only associate with boys in primary school.
    • I remember in my (all gender) scout group, a group leader told me not to sit in a particular way, with my legs crossed, because that looked “gay”. When asked why she sat in the same way she explained, that as a woman, she was allowed to.
    • I remember boys worrying allot about having a “men’s bicycle” instead of a “lady’s bicycle”
    • I remember, how my brother and I had found a doll somewhere and that we later overheard my mother explaining to a friend, that she didn’t mind her sons playing with dolls even though they were actually for girls. It sounded like a big deal to us and the new toy was soon discarded.
    • dumples@midwest.socialEnglish
      7·
      13 days ago

      I remember in my (all gender) scout group, a group leader told me not to sit in a particular way, with my legs crossed, because that looked “gay”. When asked why she sat in the same way she explained, that as a woman, she was allowed to.

      I remember as a young boy before puberty hoping that I wasn’t gay based on all of the bullying about it in the 90s from my peers. It was really toxic and hope this isn’t the case anymore. I did serious damage to both the gay kids and their straight peers. Awful all around