Goodnight mate :)

I’ve been in a similar place. Can you take some stress leave/sick leave? Ideally at least two weeks so that a) you can unwind properly and b) somebody else has to pick up the slack at work.

Do it now, not once project x is done or when we’ve met that next deadline. New stuff will keep coming up.

I don’t know what the answers are but you’ve got a friend in me. 💜

Everytime I press the red heart it comes up black. Maybe I’ve used up my red hearts quota or run out of red ink. 🤷‍♀️ anyway red heart, red heart, red heart.

Is stress leave a possibility for you?

Edit: Also, is there anyone close to you that can help with even the smallest of things at home?

I can relate to the loneliness and the feeling of drowning at work.

I don’t have any real advice, but I hope you can find some peace soon ❤️

so many hugs

maybe the world and your little part of the world would be a million times messier if not for you

like in Alice in Wonderland, we have to run just to keep in the same place

Since you can’t delegate how about resetting your timetable?

On a positive note, it’s good they want a grown up and do defer.

Ughh this feeling of aloneness while being overwhelmed with work, I’ve felt it so many times. The only advice I can offer is to look after yourself as much as you can. A home cooked meal, going for a walk or doing other exercise, proper wind down before going to sleep. This past weekend wasn’t great for me mentally and doing these three things helped.

I’m not sure what to say but feel very like this in other ways.

I’m wondering if there’s any way you can half ass some of the details a little bit so you don’t get stuck? I don’t know what you’re working on but sometimes done > perfect

Otherwise you’re well within your rights to insist on the time you’ve carved out so you don’t get dragged sideways.

Taking some leave in whatever form is a good idea because this sounds like burnout.

Whatever happens I wish you can get some peace or rest somehow, even for a moment.

Hey interwebs friend, this is the reason I’m on a sabbatical. Can you afford to take the break even if it means burning through your savings?

I get a lot of what you’re talking about, too, especially the close to burnout feelings. Hugs and sympathy from across the ether - you’re not alone 💛

Hope you’re feeling better. jaegermeister can be a slippery slope at times.

Big hugs. Hope you’re feeling better 💛

Hope you feel better soon, Spud 💜

Awesome! I wish Pixies did solo shows too.

Wooooooooooo

Easier said than done, but you need to allow yourself the space to just be outside this dynamic. This is new territory for everyone and even for those that work in field. We can think or imagine how we’re going to respond or handle something like this, but the truth is we never know until we are in the moment.

I hope that you have people close where you can express this. It might also not be what your father wants to hear right now, but it sounds like your mother needs him as a husband and not a doctor right now. The sooner he hears that, the better. She’s probably scared and she needs to feel like she is more than someone who needs to be treated. You know, patient centered care and being holistic and all that…

Sending you the biggest hugs. Please talk to friends/loved ones/or other if you can.

Heart goes out to you Racer. Navigating this will be a challenge for anyone. We are here for support and venting. There is still a chance that your mum will recover more than present situation too. Sending healing vibes.
You’ll need to be there for your dad too - sounds like he might need someone to model how to be human/emotional too. Which is lot to ask but there’s not a chance in hell that he’ll seek outside professional advice methinks.

So many hugs. Healing is hard, and it takes a lot of time.

gees, so many hugs.

You shouldn’t be doing this and in the past your dad shouldn’t have asked you to do that.

I suggest getting a nurse or aid in to do a lot of that. Contact the hospital about organising one.

and hugs again.

Mate, that’s definitely a lot to wear on your own. It’s a very delicate situation to navigate. I have absolutely nothing useful to add except that you’re an incredibly awesome human and as everyone else has said do talk to others about it (vent here, to a friend, a shrink…) You shouldn’t have to go through this alone. I hope this difficult time will eventually (even if painfully at first) bring forward some vulnerability and openness from all parties. Big hugs 🫂

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time mate. I was with my mother through her difficulties and you’re right, it is heartbreaking.

It takes a real toll.

I hope everything works out ❤️

I’m so sorry. Aged, end of life or disability care can be brutal especially when it’s your mum. Definitely get some carers in to help share the load

I just thought of something. Everything now is sleek and touch screens, but perhaps if you went for technology that was a bit older it would have raised tactile buttons that your mum could feel so she could control it. You don’t even have to look.

You can get old iPod shuffles or generic mp3 players off eBay and they clip to clothing so she can’t drop and lose it. I did have a generic mp3 player that ran off a simple SD card but it had a hissing sound so ymmv.

Mp3s of music can be ripped from cds and maybe even music and audiobooks downloaded from public domain sites like the Internet Archive. You might even be able to get cheeky and download something audio heavy (and public domain! wink) from YouTube. Winrar can help you with any conversions.

There are also narrators built in to some operating systems and screen readers if that wasn’t good enough.

I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be toxically positive or dismiss anybody’s emotions. This is terrifying to go through and I can’t imagine the sudden loss of independence she feels.

I just thought to offer some options that might help with boredom/depression and allow her to choose activities for herself/control the device

Edit: Can you get screenreaders on phones to read texts? Maybe she can get a jitterbug (simplified phone for elderly) and maybe there can be buttons where one or two numbers can be programmed in. Or Siri can be set up to allow her to call people.

It really helps mentally when you know you’re able to do something without assistance. It’s a comfort knowing any time of the day or night you can choose to listen to something or call someone whether a support person is there or not.

All the hugs… its such a tough situation to be going through, for everyone 💛

Google the ones closest to home. Pick the one that’s closest to 5 stars and lots of reviews. Get quotes from 3 of them. Pick one.

Unless you’ve got a mechanic that you usually go to on a regular basis see if there’s a Bob Jane Tmart near you?

Edit: also if cost isn’t an issue you can also maybe try to get someone out to come see you.

Mobile Tyre shop seems to have good reviews

I had to use MyCar for my last flat because they were the only place open between Christmas and New Year, and they were fine. Quick, efficient, friendly.

Professional movers are the BEST…I never used them until I had to move at start of lockdown and it was the only choice and now I will scrimp and save and spend that money every time. I think they also love it when they only have a small move and you have taken the time to organise a bit.

You are nearly there!!!

Airtasker can be great like that - I did the same thing to get rid of a wine fridge that Marketplace buyers kept not showing up for. I’ve had a bit of weeding and gutter cleaning done via Airtasker too.

Narrow staircases can be an issue, but movers can be pretty clever with stuff like that. I used to live in a flat above a shop which had an external spiral staircase up to a narrow landing to the door, the movers managed to get a neighbour’s double bed up the side of the shop below and lift it over the landing from the shop roof.

You sound super organised and motivated. I believe in you!

(Don’t be me. I’ve done enough of that for all of us.)

Assignments are scary. You’ve got this, Dan!! Props to you for doing a degree. Uni is tough, but you are tougher :)

I had a dream I didn’t even do my assignment or read most of the subject material - oh wait, that’s real. Should get back to that…

I’m sorry you had to go through that.

I know it’s difficult to dismiss a parents opinion, but I would highly recommend it in this case.

It sounds like he has no understanding of the way the world works at the moment. I hear this a lot from people. That their parents are completely disconnected from the realities of life these days.

You’re not a loser and I hope you know that ❤️

Jesus Christ, I’m sorry but a parent should not be calling their child that.

That’s just not right!

People go through different journeys through life to get to where they want, there’s no playbook by any means.

Yesterday my dad called me a loser because I am underemployed right now. what a prick. You didnt need to say or justify anything beyond that. Hes a prick. Nothing more to say and nothing else matters beyond that. You dont speak to your kids like that. EVER. Even if you aint a kid any more.

Let me add to the pile of outrage at your dad for saying such a horribly hurtful and useless comment.

I want to write a whole essay to you because I have a similar family dynamic (very accomplished eldest bro who seems to be doing fine with a very fast paced life) - and I certainly didn’t get taken seriously for much of my early adulthood

I should go pack though. But all I can say is… it does get better, with age and experience their opinions matter less, and life becomes more about keeping yourself afoat the way that works best for you.

For comparison, said wildly successful older bro had massive setback later in life that’s been going on for years now. And he is far worse equipped to handle it mentally and emotionally because his life has always been superlative and successful. He had never really experienced failure before. It’s a huge learning curve later on in life. So take that for what it’s worth…

As a parent sometimes we say things out of frustration. It doesn’t make it right though. Big hugs for you because you are going forward and that’s the main thing. 💛

wtf, i wouldn’t say that to a friend let alone a daughter

you know you’re right , you know they were wrong

but it hurts so bad, hurts because why would they even say that, they are supposed to be kind and supportive, and you know they know how to be supportive because they are to other people

so many many hugs

I know it hurts, I know that having the kindness and support of those we love makes us feel like we can conquer the world but there are times we need to be our own best friend

you have us as your friend and you have yourself, you’re a really good friend

me, my family of origin want me to be loser, they would get angry when I has success of any kind, I lost them instead

That’s so shit and so fucked up. I’m glad he apologised, but it’s not fair that he did that in first place. Comparison is the thief of joy, you’re doing YOU and that’s all that matters. You are loved!

Has… he seen the job market? A very hurtful and clueless thing for him to say. Very boomer.

And yes mental health struggles make life a lot harder. Not everyone can be a machine. Those expectations are pretty high, I’d even say unrealistic, and I think your sister might even secretly be feeling the high pressure job. If not now then at some point. If anything else happens to add a strain to life that pace might not be sustainable.

Comparing you to a sibling is also not appropriate to do.

Edit: In a small way I was the tough disciplined organised one that others got compared to… because I was so desperately holding it together under pressure. Burned out hard. They’re doing well now and me not so much.

Comparison hurts both sides

In front of the tv AND has eyes on the dinner

Kissy kissy

yikes! Do you have a drain in the laundry? seems INSANE that wasnt a standard thing since like… forever.

ooh good save. After a few water events over the last few years water scares the shit out of me now. You did good.