Since I was a kid, I failed so hard at being a guy. I’ve always been hopeless at athletics. My body type has always been pretty meek (let me not doxx myself and say more). I hate any sort of competitive environment. I can’t hold my liquor for shit. I have a very high pitched voice and an expressive way of talking. Friends have described my voice as a “gay twang”. My mum probably assumed that I was gay from day one, as I got a lot of “it’s OK to be gay” from her growing up. Sadly I had too much soy or not enough soy, because I grew up attracted to women.

Maybe you old comrades remember, but schools in the 90s were full of homophobia. “That’s so gay” criticised any action that deviated from some masculine ideal. I got this multiple times a day, and I learned to stifle my personality to avoid the rebuke of my male non-friends. I’m not even complaining, there’s so so many that had it way worse than I did.

Nowadays it’s great being a flamboyant straight dude. I can be as sweet, as empathetic, and as expressive as I want. I have cute and colourful clothing. I get really ecstatic around animals. I cry. People like me for being fun and engaged with stuff. Nowadays if some guy colleague says that’s “gay” it’s like lea-huh “are you alright mate??”

I did go some LGBT events and actions in the past, but not a lot. If I do anything positive, it’s to enforce no homophobic language with my students, which guys has gotten a lot easier in the past 20 years. Really, the kids nowadays are much better than we were. OK, I have hooked up with a few dudes here and there, but it feels like stolen valour to call myself bi.

So thanks a whole lot to all the queer people who have made my life much easier, when I’ve done so little.

  • Infamousblt [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    36·
    8 months ago

    Me reading this post: I dunno you sound kinda a lot like me when I was like “oh yes I’ve touched many a dick but I’m totally straight I promise.”

    Me at the end of the post: Oh and there it is. If you hooked up with a couple of dudes and it was consenting and you’re like “yeah I’d do that again” then you’re queer enough. Welcome to it. Literally every queer person feels imposter syndrome. This is just part of the experience. Some worse than others. You don’t have to be actively touching multiple types of genitals at the same time to be queer. You don’t have to be attracted to everyone to be queer. There are lots of genders out there besides “men” and “women” too, if you’ve ever met someone who doesn’t go by she or he and is confusingly hot anyway, yep, that’s queer too. That’s mostly my experience anyway.

    Anyway I for one give you permission to call yourself bi or queer or whatever label you want to use. You’re not gonna hurt anyone by saying you’re bi. You can use straight too if you want I don’t want to take that away from you. I just want to let you know what the way you’re talking now sounds like you’re a baby queer maybe thinking about starting that journey. Be true to yourself you deserve it.

    • ButtBidet [he/him]@hexbear.net
      OPEnglish
      35·
      8 months ago

      imposter syndrome

      Fair enough.

      You don’t have to be actively touching multiple types of genitals

      Wow, what’s the point then kitty-birthday-sad

      But for real, good effort post and thank you. I wonder if I just attached my identity too hard to straight people in my lib phase. But your words are food for though.