• 6 Posts
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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 15th, 2023

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  • My mother has a partially shame based operating system. She uses self shame as a motivational tool that increases her executive function, e.g. she manages to diet by responding to the part of her that tells her to eat chocolate with shame for wanting chocolate. She avoids the chocolate and goes on with her life.

    She tried to install that same operating system in me. Due to my shame sensitivity it paralyzed me and left me unable to function. Instead I would spiral in shame and self hatred for my inability to do what she wanted me to do, even though I wanted to do it too.

    My system actually works pretty well with love as motivation instead of shame. It just took me 15 years of intensive commitment to inner work to unravel the shame.


  • I love your descriptions, they provide a beautiful felt sense of the longing. I think that longing is universal, though the images we associate with it are different (warm climate, etc.)

    This is a spiritual longing, the heart’s desire to be whole, to be home, to no longer feel separate. Your intuition is correct that just moving to a new place won’t resolve this longing. Everywhere you go, there you are, and you have brought all the inner baggage along with you (trauma, family and cultural conditioning, etc.) After the newness of a place wears off, the old issues return.

    I’ve been on a quest to fulfill this longing over the last 15 years, through many various spiritual and psychological practices. Recently I feel that sense of wholeness again regularly, daily even. It’s been a long path to get there. If this resonates with you I’m happy to answer your questions.