Ex-egg. Turns out wishing you were a girl does work.

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Joined 5 months ago
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Cake day: July 2nd, 2024

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  • One of the things I’ve been hoping for with HRT (apart from boobs and so on) is more emotional depth. I have a not entirely undeserved reputation as an emotional black hole. I was going to complain about not seeing any of that this week, until I realized that I’ve been crying over random things all weekend that would ordinarily have me annoyed and looking for a drink. It’s weird how much better I feel after, kind of like a cheat code.

    A trans woman I’ve been following on Youtube recently posted a rant about the trans community, and she seems to have internalized a lot of right-wing transphobic talking points. That saddens me, because I’ve only just started unpacking all of my internalized transphobia and misogyny (and I thought I was an ally!) and I realize it’s been causing me a lot of self-loathing.

    Oh, and dialing in my dose after switching to injections sucks. I mean, I can top up with gel if need be, but every time I see man stuff coming back feels like waking up from a really good dream and realizing it was just a fantasy all along. Androgen blockers are available, but kind of a last resort here. Guess I might want to seriously consider orchiectomy*?

    I want a hug :(

    * Autocorrect suggested “hysterectomy” instead, which – I mean – thanks for the affirmation, I guess?









  • This, for real though. You can often tell you’ve made it when people stop treating you specially.

    By way of analogy: I live in a non-English-speaking part of the world, and was very self-conscious about my language ability. To begin with, everyone told me “you speak very well” (with an implied “for a foreigner”), but after a lot of practice that finally gave way to a curt “that’s wrong” whenever I slipped up. Now people generally assume I was born here to immigrant parents.

    Gender-wise (although I’m nowhere near female-passing yet), I guess things like double-takes in bathrooms, or people being “gentlemanly” are good things to look out for?


  • Oh hello, are you me?

    I’ve been watching Elena Darlingg recently, and got a bad case of “wow, she’s amazing. I’m never going to be as much of a woman as her. I’m not really trans anyway…” etc etc.

    Mostly I just recognize this as an unhelpful thought pattern and go do something else for a while (and cuddle Blåhaj). Objectively, I know that these are thoughts that cis women have; it’s just imposter syndrome; I should be comparing progress against my past self and so on, but that really doesn’t help much when I’m feeling jealous.

    Sometimes I do get euphoria though, and while I can’t call it up on demand, I do try to remember those times and that I’m doing this to feel good!

    Starting HRT made a big difference: I’m in the pipeline now and just sitting around is still working towards my goal. I hope your therapist will get you sorted soon.

    <3