• setting Rowley’s eyebrows on fire with a torch

Calvin’s dad has some of the best jokes in all of Calvin and Hobbes

If I ever decide to have kids then I’m adopting because I can’t in good conscience bring a life into this shitty world

The students calculated that the rocket accelerated to an astonishing 5,283 feet per second.

That’s just over 1 mile per second, insane

It’s a bit extreme, I just need one straight through my temples

It’s smart until I instinctually scroll to the U section only to not find United States

She’s hot, I love goth girls

If your cold, they’re cold. Bring them in

We all came from fish, why can’t whales return to fish?

“Stand clear, orbital barrage incoming”

Wait wrong game

I bet not, you only think about yourself

The look of no regrets

“I don’t get paid enough for this”

Y’all is gender neutral, do so I imagine it’s fine

Edit: typo lol

Because the one on the right is funnier

Counterargument: a centaur is a human torso on a horse’s neck, so it’s the right one

Yes and that’s jambo in the pic

Live your life but please don’t do that in public for my kids to see

This is funny but also kinda spot on? Once you have real “fuck you” money, the only important thing is the actual number, not the money associated with it