WHERE TO GET THE BOOK: http://libgen.is/book/index.php?md5=F6B31A8DAFD6BD39A5986833E66293E6

Audiobook format (expires 1/27): https://litter.catbox.moe/l3298q.m4b

So, this post will be “Introduction” in the sense that it will introduce us all to the book club and the book, and we will also be covering the introduction. The emotional content is pretty heavy; as such I figured it deserved its own discussion. It’s not especially long, but it covers Dr. Price’s journey into accepting his autism, and if you’re on the spectrum or even just neurodivergent in general you’ll probably strongly relate to a lot of what he lays down here. You, like me, may read this chapter and find yourself thinking he’s literally me, he just like me, he just like me fr ong no cap denji-just-like-me

Dr. Price is a transgender social psychologist born in Ohio, who graduated from Loyola University Chicago where he teaches as a professor in continuing studies. He wrote and published Laziness Does Not Exist before this one, and it’s also worth a read. In this book, Dr. Price also discusses his gender identity and how there’s a very high incidence of gender non-conformity amongst neurodiverse people. So in addition to folks with ADHD and autism, or those with other neurodiversities, it can also benefit LGBT+ folks who have to cover up their true selves for safety or social acceptance.

I plan on making another post about chapter one on Sunday or Monday of next week, depending on whether I can make time, and then one post about each chapter every week or every other week depending on what people’s feedback is.

In the intro, Dr. Price discusses his personal and emotional problems, social isolation, autistic self-discovery and research, entry into the autism self-advocacy community, and official diagnosis. He discusses how people who don’t fit the stereotype of autism are often neglected by medical professionals. How this neglect harms neurodiverse people of all stripes, and how unmasking can be a key to a full, authentic life. (Here’s hoping.)

He describes unmasking as a frightning and, indeed, potentially dangerous prospect, but provides tools throughout for approaching the process and beginning to know yourself, find where the mask ends and you begin, and believe that the person underneath is worth knowing in the first place.

First, discussion questions:

  • What interested you in this book club?
  • Are you neurodiverse? Do you know someone who is?
  • What stood out to you about the introduction? Any choice quotes? Anything you relate to?

He ends with an exercise called the Values-Based Integration Process, which we’ll go over below.

VALUES-BASED INTEGRATION PROCESS (by Heather R Morgan) STEP ONE

"Think of five moments in your life where you felt like you were FULLY ALIVE. Try to find moments throughout your life (childhood, adolescence, adulthood, school, work, vacation, hobbies)

Some of the moments might leave you with a sense of awe and wonder – ‘Wow, if all of life was like that, it would be amazing!’

Some of the moments might leave you feeling deeply recharged and ready to face the next challenge, or satisfied and fulfilled."

The books says to write it down in as much detail as possible, but I don’t actually expect anyone to post all that stuff here. Just a personal exercise to get the juices flowing. I’ll post some of my own personal thoughts in a comment below.

[email protected] , I was asked to tag you for a sticky on this. I think a few mods are in my tag list as well if you can’t get to it.

The following folks asked to be tagged:

  • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netMEnglish
    2·
    10 months ago

    Hey, sorry this got away from me; my health has been shitty.

    I’m just checking in with you to see how you’re going with this exercise - how’s progress? Is there anything that you would like help with?

      • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netMEnglish
        2·
        10 months ago

        That’s cool.

        It’s not an easy exercise for everyone and I just want to reinforce to you that it’s not a reflection of some deficit in you - some people have been through a lot of shit, and some people’s experience of masking is especially deep and pervasive so trying to pinpoint those rare glimpses of existence outside of masking can be really difficult to do.

        If you are interested, I can make time to talk this stuff through with you the way that a coach trained in this model would do. I won’t promise that we’d arrive at the end point of the exercise and there’s no pressure, but if you’re interested we can arrange a time. What it would look like is a conversation (text chat or voice chat) over approximately an hour. The conversation is very much focused on the positives and it’s not gruelling emotional work like you might experience in therapy. It might take more than one conversation and I’m happy to see the process through and to make further meet-up times if you feel like it would be helpful.

        (If needed I can pull up stuff to show that I attended the training if you want to verify. And just so it’s clear from the outset - this is something I am offering to do without charge and I am not going to ask for anything nor do I want anything in exchange, I’m not going to try and sell you anything, and I’m not going to use this to try and draw in potential clients for coaching or anything like that.)

        I’ll leave the ball in your court - if you want to more info or you want to line up a time with me then feel free to. If not, that’s totally fine - I am not of the opinion that there’s one model or exercise that works for everyone. If it’s not for you or it’s not the right time at the moment, that’s cool. If this is something you want to do by yourself or with someone else, likewise this is completely fine with me.

          • ReadFanon [any, any]@hexbear.netMEnglish
            2·
            10 months ago

            Of course. There’s absolutely no pressure on my end so don’t feel like there’s some expiry date to this offer or whatever.

            Tbh if you’re really high masking, and it sounds as though that would probably describe you, then it might be more than enough personal work just to read through the book and to process what it brings up for you and that’s cool. If this is the case then taking on additional emotional work could very well be counterproductive and I wouldn’t want to put you in that situation.

            Take all the time you need.

            If you want to get more info to arrive at a decision then I’m happy to talk it through with you as much as you need. Fyi I work from a trauma-informed model and one of the things that I draw heavily upon in this sort of space is Vikki Reynolds’ concept of ‘structuring safety’ (PDF warning & academic jargon warning). I guess in short what I’m driving here is that it doesn’t have to be a decision that comes with any committment on your end (aside from a commitment to your own needs & safety) - you can decide you’ve had enough at any point and withdraw without consequence.

            To be really transparent about it, my approach to this is that (in this situation) masking starts at the decision-making process, wayyyy before one even commits to something. In my experience there’s a lot of mental preparation that goes into trying to figure out what sort of social role you need to fulfil and getting yourself into the “right” headspace to do what’s expected of you before agreeing to do something. This is a very normal response to navigating the world as an autistic person and it’s a survival strategy which is tried and true, so I’m not about to stigmatise it by any means, however my intention is to create a space where this is optional, where you have the opportunity to decide if you need to do it and, if so, doing it to the extent that you choose to; unmasking isn’t an all-or-nothing deal and unmasking needs to be integral to every step of the process rather than it being some destination that you arrive at when you cross the finish line.

            With that in mind, if you do choose to take me up on the offer I would encourage you to start from where you are rather than focusing on getting yourself to a place where you are prepared to meet expectations. If starting from where you are means needing to understand the process better or figuring out if it’s something that’s going to work for you or even if it’s about figuring out if my approach is a good fit for you (or anything else for that matter), it’s cool with me.

            I hope that makes sense and sorry for all the rambling lol