If you think that what you are doing to someone else is too humiliating, degrading, unacceptable to think about happening to you, there’s something to explore.
Go to 45:40 for a bit more context, but this quote is enough to start the discussion I have in mind.
The idea is simple and it’s mostly aimed at the ones with little interested in BDSM. BDSM is not abuse. It might be abusive, which is absolutely bad, but that should never be the nature of the practice.
From time to time, I see accusations of abuse being dismissed with the excuse it’s just a form of BDSM that people outside can’t understand. It’s not that hard to grasp the concepts, but you’ll notice you will never get an explanation. Serious people will know what they are talking about and are able to provide you with resources for you to educate yourself. Honestly, most people would find all the education and preparation quite boring, the same way someone that just wants to cut people up would find too bothersome to become a surgeon.
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The surge in interest in BDSM since 50 Shades came out has not been kind to the community. People want to just play without learning anything, and this is a very risky space in terms of the possibility of abuse wrapped under the guise of kink.
I’ve not been on FetLife in nearly a decade as a result, and I don’t even go to the subreddits for my main kinks anymore.
Yeah, exactly. The mainstream seems to be only to be able to depict abuse being kink.
The latest one is Babygirl (film) I’ve not seen it but based on the trailer it sure looked that way. I hope it isn’t but I don’t have high hopes of a mainstream film or other media ever depicting actually good consent and kinks beyond the ones most associated with the mainstream understanding of kink.
I think Secretary didn’t do a terrible job. But it’s been downhill from there.
There are so many kinks within BDSM that trying to lump them all together is pointless. I’m a switch, so it’s never clear what role I’ll take with a new partner. But going into details has in the past not worked out so well here.
Yeah, I have heard it brought up as a good example but wasn’t sure. I’ll check it out.
Not sure what you mean about trying to lump them all together.
This insane notion that “BDSM” is a kink. That’s like saying your favourite meal is food.
As for the abuse, this is exactly why you should stay away from people who:
- ‘Figured it out’ for themselves without any education from actual kink educators.
- Do not believe that the core of kink is respecting consent, boundaries and autonomy and that consent is revocable at any time.
- Do not practise good RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink.
Such people should be kept away from kink at all costs.
There is a kink education and discussion community if you’d like to post it there: [email protected]
