TORONTO – Quarantined in his hospital room after contracting a fatal case of measles, little Timothy Bartlet told reporters how glad he was that his parents opted not to vaccinate for fear of giving him autism. “Wow! It sure is hard to die painfully from a totally preventable disease, but I guess it’s better than […]

Bartlet, who says he used to enjoy Pokemon, soda, and being alive, tells everyone how great it is to be left totally defenseless against common childhood diseases from the 1940s.