So I just realized I might exhibit one of the common autistic experiences. It certainly feels like overstimulation in a literal sense, previously I’ve thought of it as being overwhelmed or things getting too intense. I snap my fingers, flex my hand, scrabble around with whatever’s in my hand, repeatedly whisper
CW: suicide
“I hate you” or “Kill yourself”
under my breath almost like an incantation, even bash my fists against my temples when it gets bad.
The problem is this is almost always in response to thoughts I’m having or something I remember, which doesn’t seem very external, and everything I read keeps saying it’s only with external stimuli from one’s environment. So is this something else?
Edit: Talked with my therapist and she said this is extremely OCD pilled. Task failed successfully
Right there with you. I do the exact same stuff in response to uncomfortable memories that I involuntarily obsess over.
I always figured it was just an anxiety attack triggered by the ruminations. Haven’t really found any good coping strategies, though. It is very unpleasant and I wish I could stop it.