I socially transitioned before I started hormones, and when I went out in public wearing women’s clothes, people would look at me frequently, and some people would stare at me. It was obvious I didn’t pass from these kinds of responses, but I also got somewhat used to that treatment.

Over time, with hormone therapy, I get fewer and fewer instances of this. I haven’t been stared at in a long time, and I think people look at me less.

At one point I would describe my experience as being a “woman shaped object” - in people’s peripheral vision I looked like a normal woman, but if someone interacted with me they could tell I was trans.

I went out yesterday and got my nails done, went shopping, went out for dinner, etc. and interactions with people made me think they couldn’t tell I was trans, but I just don’t know whether they can actually tell or not.

While waiting in line to buy some clothes, a woman wanted to chat about how long the line was taking, and she interacted with me as though I were a normal woman - there wasn’t a hint of stigma, curiosity, etc.

Anyway - this just makes me wonder: what are others’ experiences with passing and not-passing, what are little clues that you aren’t passing or when you are?

I assume you just can’t actually tell when people are being polite vs not knowing, but maybe there are little hints.

Thanks!

  • Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    1 month ago

    Get into a fight with a stranger and see if they call you slurs. (Please don’t do this.)

    For real tho, I transitioned 20 years ago and I still doubt if I pass despite all of my friends assuring me that I do, and never getting misgendered in public. It stressed me out nonstop til my therapist asked “Why do you care if you pass?” - “Well, because I don’t want anyone to know I’m trans, obviously.” And he said “So what if they do?” And I couldn’t come up with a good rebuttal. I’ve found a new confidence in life now that I don’t give a shit if I pass and just live my truth. I wish the same strength to all my trans homies.

    • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      1 month ago

      lol, I am not even sure how to start a fight with a stranger if I wanted to. I think I would find it difficult to do.

      But seriously, 20 years is a long time to feel like you are not passing 😭 I don’t get misgendered in public either, but I think that’s because people are polite, not because they think I’m a cis woman.

      Where I live being trans is a risk, so in my mind the rebuttal to “so what if they do” is that it’s unsafe, but tbh I have all sorts of negative feelings about being trans, like feeling embarrassed for not having the “right” body. For the most part I just try to ignore the gender and interact authentically, but I obviously have to pay attention to my voice and I suspect I am implicitly changing a lot based on the social situation I am in. Probably I need to leave this place, it is not healthy for me to be somewhere that is so hostile to what I am.