Been in a relationship for a year, since early in the relationship my partner has been suffering with chronic back pain. This pain is almost always present, this causes breakdowns multiple times a week, especially on weekends.

I’ve been having a hard time helping her manage her pain and being there for her, it reoccures so much that I’m starting to feel myself becoming apathetic towards her, and sometimes outright cold.

I haven’t really been getting a chance to rest from being emotionally available, or even socially available (even though life circumstance already caused me to basically halt all social life). And i haven’t really had a weekend this past months that i could use to rest instead of being on call and hearing her cry most of the day.

I feel like I’m pouring from an empty cup and that I don’t have any other choice, otherwise I’d be leaving her to deal with it herself.

It feels like it’s going to be the end of our relationship, any advice?

p.s. we’re a man-woman relationship, young adults, both of us not really experienced in relationships, if that’s any help.

  • leds@feddit.dkEnglish
    61·
    3 months ago

    Similar situation here and only recently starting to learn how important the emotional aspect is. Focus on that instead of trying to it physically better.

    Ask her about the pain, how is it right now?even (especially) if they have already told you how bad it is 100 times today. Tell them you see how much they are suffering and tell them how horrible that must be for them. Tell them you believe them.

    When you use your energy trying to make things better physically you inevitability make things worse if they don’t feel heard and seen and believed.

      • leds@feddit.dkEnglish
        1·
        3 months ago

        But please also take care of yourself emotionally, it is really hard to be a caregiver.

        Edit: you can actually help them by showing your partner your emotions or even better talking about your emotions instead if pushing your own emotions to the side in order to help them. That could result in you being perceived as uncaring robot who doesnt take their pain serious.