Invented English? Nah, mate, nothing homegrown there. We imported it - a strong base if Anglo-Saxon and a dollop of Norman French making it a bit more posh, with shoots of Brythonic, Latin and Old Norse poking through the cracks. All that before we went nicking words from all over the world that took our fancy.

By this pont we barely know how it all works - we’re like monkeys driving a monster truck frankensteined together from an ice cream van, a golf cart, a tank and a Postman Pat toy; just mashing the controls hoping to make it go in vaguely the right direction.