Most of my pre egg cracking symptoms started at around eleven or twelve, but I was a pretty masculine child in personality.
I greatly exaggerated having voice cracks when I was going through first puberty. It made me feel masculine.
I always spoke in the lowest possible vocal register.
I refused to shave any body hair and never even entertained the idea despite significant outside pressure to.
I rarely showered because I wanted to stink like a teenage boy. I also dreaded any puberty pains or growth that was happening. It felt like body horror.
I had so much trouble understanding pubescent girls in the media, how they were so excited to have their first period or wear their first bra. I thought everyone experienced the absolute dread that came with puberty and they were all just pretending. I was fully expecting to get a huge growth spurt one day and grow to be 6ft tall and look like Jim Morrison. It felt like someone had made a mistake and it would correct itself naturally.
I remember getting on my knees and praying to God (i didn’t even believe in god, that’s how desperate i felt) not to let my chest to develop at all. I remember one time I read in a news article about moms in indonesia or something would put hot rocks on their daughter’s chests to prevent any breasts from growing and it was being touted as a gross human rights violation. I tried to put burning hot rocks on my chest when I was maybe thirteen or fourteen. Didn’t work, unfortunately :'(
I always wanted to go shirtless all the time. My mom had to practically wrangle me into a bra. At the same time, my newly developing chest seemed wholly foreign to me. It felt like a completely separate entity that was latched onto my real body.
I never really related to any girls my age when I was growing up. Always felt like an outsider in large groups of girls. Felt like they spoke a language I couldn’t understand. Of course, I always had extremely codependent intense “friendships” with one girl at time. Took me a while to realize that was me liking girls.
I watched a lot of anime around that age, and for about a week after finishing one I’d adopt the personality and mannerisms of any male character that I thought was cool. One time I barely talked for a week so I could be just like jotaro from JoJo’s bizarre adventure 🤦🏼♂️
Despite all of this, it would take me a while to figure out that I’m trans. That was never an option for the longest time.
I had so much trouble understanding pubescent girls in the media, how they were so excited to have their first period or wear their first bra. I thought everyone experienced the absolute dread that came with puberty and they were all just pretending. I was fully expecting to get a huge growth spurt one day and grow to be 6ft tall and look like Jim Morrison. It felt like someone had made a mistake and it would correct itself naturally.
God this is relatable AF. First puberty was honestly traumatic for me.
Most of my pre egg cracking symptoms started at around eleven or twelve, but I was a pretty masculine child in personality.
I greatly exaggerated having voice cracks when I was going through first puberty. It made me feel masculine.
I always spoke in the lowest possible vocal register.
I refused to shave any body hair and never even entertained the idea despite significant outside pressure to.
I rarely showered because I wanted to stink like a teenage boy. I also dreaded any puberty pains or growth that was happening. It felt like body horror.
I had so much trouble understanding pubescent girls in the media, how they were so excited to have their first period or wear their first bra. I thought everyone experienced the absolute dread that came with puberty and they were all just pretending. I was fully expecting to get a huge growth spurt one day and grow to be 6ft tall and look like Jim Morrison. It felt like someone had made a mistake and it would correct itself naturally.
I remember getting on my knees and praying to God (i didn’t even believe in god, that’s how desperate i felt) not to let my chest to develop at all. I remember one time I read in a news article about moms in indonesia or something would put hot rocks on their daughter’s chests to prevent any breasts from growing and it was being touted as a gross human rights violation. I tried to put burning hot rocks on my chest when I was maybe thirteen or fourteen. Didn’t work, unfortunately :'(
I always wanted to go shirtless all the time. My mom had to practically wrangle me into a bra. At the same time, my newly developing chest seemed wholly foreign to me. It felt like a completely separate entity that was latched onto my real body.
I never really related to any girls my age when I was growing up. Always felt like an outsider in large groups of girls. Felt like they spoke a language I couldn’t understand. Of course, I always had extremely codependent intense “friendships” with one girl at time. Took me a while to realize that was me liking girls.
I watched a lot of anime around that age, and for about a week after finishing one I’d adopt the personality and mannerisms of any male character that I thought was cool. One time I barely talked for a week so I could be just like jotaro from JoJo’s bizarre adventure 🤦🏼♂️
Despite all of this, it would take me a while to figure out that I’m trans. That was never an option for the longest time.
God this is relatable AF. First puberty was honestly traumatic for me.
I hope you feel better on T now :)