There are so many people who deserve it more, now why would I block them from receiving help, so I could be an even bigger burdensome waste of resources? Bruh, come on. My mother literally took food from a food bank that she didn’t need, made each family member (except me because I’d escape) do it and take 4 times the amount alotted to each household, to just NOT use. Literally wasting resources that someone in need could use. Why would I do that myself?

I’m just saying if your life was ruined at the start then it’s ruined forever, either continue living a ruined life or give up.

At this point I’m ready to die now. I would have waited a bit and spent time doing things partially enjoy before I end it but I’m heading out now. I’ll just disappear and whoever actually cared about me 🤣 could ask if they even notice, then forget and live their actual lives without some idiot scumbag burden in it.

No one has ever fixed their lives after 20. It only gets worse if you’re not rich as a teenager or popular online before then. Everything after 20 is just drug addiction and fighting. And even if someone manages to fix their lives later, it’s always in old age where it wouldn’t have mattered. Yeah… all that work and uphill grinding for one week of freedom, sooooo worth it.

Cutting ties with family and moving out. Every apartment costs at least 20% more than I make monthly, a mortgage is out of the question after losing my credit last year, and working while living with these people is not sustainable. Every roommate is basically family but worse and there’s no way I’m moving out from living with family to live with someone worse than family. Even if I find roommates that aren’t nicotine or marijuana users, they’ll be something worse the minute I’m stuck with them. No one knows how it feels being the only person who doesn’t use that stuff, and being antagonized by groups of people withdrawing from it.

Why never on life, just asking. If it was completely ruined from the start, why not give up? If you spill ink over a painting, it’s ruined and you toss it out.

I think putting over 10 years towards a goal and never achieving it means you should just give up

That woman should have never had kids.

I should have killed myself at 7 when I planned on stabbing myself in front of an oncoming train. I was right that nothing would change, I’d be stuck forever. There should be free euthanasia for specific diagnoses. I should have qualified even though it was a mistake. So many people were completely destroyed by the same facility. Literally dying is much better than living through that. Apparently if I drink a whole bottle of acetaminophen I could get liver damage so I’ll probably do that at the train station and either be crushed by an express train or die before it.

I really don’t want to resign but I also don’t want my work friends to worry about why I’m gone. If I could just say I found a higher paying job and just die peacefully. I’m done with life.

No one’s looking at this post so I’ll vent about unrelated stuff

I’m seriously done with life. I give up entirely. The longer I live the more I need to constantly run and never hide from the puzzle piece. I will perpetually fight to be human in a society that only views me as a puppet controlled by that stupid puzzle piece. All while undoing the damage caused by all the abuse I’ve endured.

I am completely alone. Everyone else is human, and I’m some other, some gross monster. I should have been born a dog or a dead baby. I was even told by that family’s mother to stop acting like I’m more than autism. I don’t fucking have that stupid shit but I should be reduced to it? That shit is cancer, except on everyone’s perception of you. You’re either human or that shit, never both.

Nothing will ever change regardless of how much I try. Everyone thinks I should take pride in something I don’t fucking have. Everyone thinks I should victimize myself with experiences that aren’t mine. I will always be wrong, and if everyone agrees that I’m wrong then I’m wrong. Everyone agreed that Donald Trump would make a good president again and that’s why he won.

I refuse to live as a puppet, and a permanent victim of things I’ve never experienced. I refuse to live. I’m killing myself after resigning from work, and hopefully before black friday where everyone is outside.

Gray

C

They’d still manually go shopping instead of ordering online for literally the same price or a literally trivial higher amount. Like imagine going in person to buy toilet paper for one and a half dollars cheaper than buying online. Like bro you spent more than 1.5 USD in GAS or public transit going there bruh!

I normalized my crazy mother. Seems like everyone isn’t my crazy mother which is a good thing. I don’t wish my childhood on anyone. Imagine having the resources to live a better life and have more experiences, and NEVER getting them, and you’re not allowed to complain. Imagine being the stinky kid, and being unable to NOT be the stinky kid. You know why you’re stinky, but calling out your mother makes you spoiled and entitled.

I’m not, it’s just my childhood is so crazy that it seems like a joke. That family suffered so much when they didn’t need to. A relative spent her whole life suffering, and now she died from cancer. The most fun thing she did was play candycrush. That family’s mother is worse than I thought.

But honestly, it’s so validating that I suffered unnecessarily because of her. I’ve had the family and everyone say that I was the problem. I was the reason why I was a filthy kid who only showered with water. I was the reason why I had no lunch for school or juice at home. I was the reason why I’d come to school sick and spread the illness around.

They only saw the price tags on my clothes and assumed I chose those clothes. I never liked brand clothes, and if I had the choice, I’d get unbranded stuff and FUCKING BUY BODY WASH AND LUNCH INSTEAD! Like today! Where I NEVER run out of body wash! And I have something to drink all the time now that childhood is over and I CAN WORK! Fuck childhood. Thanks Amazon!

Slow.

I’m saying, Costco customers are moving slow as shit because the store is crowded. When they could just order online instead of buying a membership for the privilege of basically sitting in traffic with shopping carts.

You don’t NEED to pay yearly for Amazon prime. And at the time I made multiple accounts and used the free trial on each. AND gift cards from surveys apps.

Yeah, being spit on and manhandled by adults as a 7 year old kid every other day in “school” does that to you. You’re broke? But your shirt has a man on a horse! You’re rich and spoiled. How could you have ran out of soap months ago when you’re wearing a polo ralphy whatever shirt? Maybe get less Airopostale and buy soap, so easy!

Yeah, thing is, my mother would spend a couple of grands on stupid ugly brand clothes, while screaming at me to shut up about body wash and juice. It’s “why do you come to school smelling horrendous” AND “why do you think you deserve body wash when there are people who have nothing?”

Today I wear ZERO brands and I finally get to shower with soap, drink juice, and brush my teeth with toothpaste. Childhood is the worst part of life.

Cars are unnecessary money pits that can be replaced.

When you’re stuck in traffic, think about how that is normalized.

No I grew up neglected by family, abused in an institution, and dehumanized by society until I changed my name 3 years ago. I also hate cars.