her, expolde
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That fucking sucks. That weird style of manipulation and judgement. My father wouldnt do stuff like that specifically in public, but when alone he would share all the weird bullshit (i remember when my stepbrother came out as a lesbian my dad was very normal about it and didnt have anything homophobic to stay at all, no sir-y bob
he absolutely did and even at age 8 i could tell it was fucked up)
Yeah, the saving grace of the relationship is that, while he doesnt understand me and doesnt seem to try to understand me, he doesnt try to box me in, or constrain me. So theres this middle ground where I can try to show up with him. But i also just dont cause most of the time it just hurts
i talk to him over email only at this point and we exchange an email every month or two.
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Mhm stuff I try not to dump too often it’s bad shit recounting it, especially when a memory comes out to greet you… thankfully I don’t feel much about it now.
At least that’s something, if only they understood the pain they can cause.
My parents not understanding me would hurt me when I was younger but then I was afraid of them wanting to know me… more things to use against me or hurt me like they had already. I always wanted something more than what I got from them, I put up with too much for too long.
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Im glad it has less of an impact on you now, and is less painful.
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I’m pretty chill as a person and don’t really get upset much (ash will confirm) it’s more like the hurt is filed into it’s own little box along with the anger and everything else surrounding it, it’s part of me but so deep to not ever see the light of day again.